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Band 4

The tourist industry has grown enormously over the last fifty years and there are few places which are unaffected by it. However, tourism rarely benefits the countries which tourists visit. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#tourist #industry #fifty #years #places #tourism #countries #tourists #visit
Over the
last
 fifty years, the
tourist
industry
 has increased sharply and there are few places which are
undefind
Correct your spelling
undefined
defined
 by it,
while
tourism
 doesn't always
benefits
Change the verb form
benefit
show examples
 the
countries
 which
tourists
 visit. I completely disagree with
this
 point of view because the
tourist
industry
 benefits the
economy
 of the
tourism
Replace the word
tourist
show examples
countries
 and they help the
citizens
 to contact with other
cultures
. To start with, the first reason is that the
tourist
industry
insreases
Correct your spelling
increases
 the
economy
 of the
tourism
countries
. To explain, as the number of
tourists
 to
tourism
countries
 increases, the
economy
 of those regions increases because the
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 must rent hotels and buy food.
Moreovere
Correct your spelling
Moreover
,
tourists
 share photos of the
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 they visit, which helps the country receive a large number of visitors and the
economy
 to increase.
Furthermore
, the second reason is that communication between
citizens
 and
tourists
 benefits
citizens
 in learning about new
cultures
 and how to communicate with them. To clarify, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
tourists
 like to talk with the people who live in those
countries
, which helps the
citizens
 learn
new
Change preposition
about new
show examples
countries
 and
cultures
.
For instance
, when the
tourist
 talks to someone living in that country, it will help the person to know a new country, which helps him learn a new language or traditions.
To sum up
, I believe that the
tourist
industry
 is the most important cause of the
increases
Replace the word
increased
show examples
economy
 of the
countries
 and learning new
cultures
.
Submitted by alharrasialanood7 on

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task achievement
Ensure that all arguments are fully developed with specific examples to strengthen your essay. For instance, give concrete examples of economic benefits such as revenue generation from tourism-related jobs.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving paragraph structure by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence followed by coherent supporting sentences. Transitions between paragraphs could also be made smoother.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear stance on the issue and offers two well-defined reasons to support the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively present and summarize the main points succinctly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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