Some people decide to start their own business instead of working for a company or organisation. Do the advantages for people working for their own business outweigh the disadvantages?
In
this
growing world, many people
are not satisfied with the pay that the companies provide them. Due to
the increase
demand Replace the word
increased
of
every employee's necessities, they opt to start up a Change preposition
for
business
rather than working drastically from employment.
Partially, initiating a business
takes more time to succeed for some people
and sometimes take
them multiple moments of failure before Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
suceeding
. They don't have enough capital required for the expenses that Correct your spelling
succeeding
keeps
them Change the verb form
keep
to maintain
the Change preposition
from maintaining
business
. An example for
Change preposition
of
this
are
local businesses which are having a hard time selling their productsChange the verb form
is
and
Correct word choice
which
require
them to double their effort to market in competing with huge and established companies. Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
Therefore
, they prefer to apply for employment and rely on the income they receive from the companies that they working
with.
Wrong verb form
work
However
, salary
from employment does not meet the Correct article usage
the salary
people
's everyday needs. Employees who work in an urbanized area spend more money than it's income in the Philippines especially
during Add the comma(s)
, especially
inflation
period. Add an article
the inflation
This
is due to
the rents
and the groceries that are more expensive. Fix the agreement mistake
rent
Hence
, people
will prefer to have their own business
and optimistically earn higher
income than how much they get from the company they are employed with.
Add an article
a higher
Also
, people
organizing the business
they are passionate about will opt to keep it rather than serving
the organization. Doing what they love will help them work longer because for them no matter how hard or how draining their job is, it will not affect them negatively.
Wrong verb form
serve
To conclude
, one of the advantages of working as an employee is that it will fairly provide them directly the
money they need for their demands. Change preposition
with the
However
, some bravely initiate and run their own business
not just because it's their passion but also
, this
will sustain their future.Correct word choice
because this
Submitted by dhowardjacob on
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relevant specific examples
Work on providing more specific examples to support your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more persuasive.
clear comprehensive ideas
Aim to clarify and elaborate on your ideas to ensure they are easily understood by the reader.
supported main points
Ensure that your main points are consistently well-supported and connected to your argument.
complete response
Your essay provides a complete response to the task by addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of starting a business versus working for a company or organization.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
logical structure
Your logical structure generally flows well, making the progression of ideas clear.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.