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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The table shows average calorie intake in the United States over a period of time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table shows average calorie intake in the United States over a period of time. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#calorie #intake #states #period #time #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The chart
demonstrate
Change the verb form
demonstrates
show examples
 present information about
calorie
Fix the agreement mistake
calories
show examples
 in the United States respectively in
while
 period. Altogether there are five categories,
Overall
,
figure's
Change noun form
figures
show examples
display the
salary
 of each employee of
of
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
hours per
weekly
Replace the word
week
show examples
. Generally speaking,
according to
 the table there's
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
inrease
Correct your spelling
increase
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
underground
Add an article
the underground
show examples
driver
Fix the agreement mistake
drivers
show examples
,
while
nurse
Change the verb form
nursing
show examples
 the lowest in the graph,
in
addition
Add the comma(s)
addition,
show examples
 the two areas
teacher
Change preposition
of teacher
show examples
 and firefighter
similarity
Replace the word
similar
show examples
 between the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
average. As
cleraly
Correct your spelling
clearly
see
Wrong verb form
seen
show examples
, as is observed
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the beginning of the
salary
, the
figurs
Correct your spelling
figures
figure
 mentioned the underground after three years gradually
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
approximately
Change preposition
by approximately
show examples
 about 2000.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 the
tow
Correct your spelling
two
show examples
 aspects on the police become slightly change in the
salary
.
Despite
Correct pronoun usage
Despite this
show examples
,
in contrast
Add a comma
,
show examples
there was a significant increase in the
salary
 of
nursing
Fix the agreement mistake
nurses
show examples
 in the tow period, in the case the
avrage
Correct your spelling
average
 working it's 38
while
 the week. in
compariosn
Correct your spelling
comparison
comparisons
 between the teacher and
firefighter
Fix the agreement mistake
firefighters
show examples
, the
salaary
Correct your spelling
salary
 dramatically slightly
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
, for
instane
Correct your spelling
instance
 the same as working hours by 55.
Submitted by rahafabinsaif on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words salary with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 2 times.
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