IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You recently bought a new vacuum cleaner as a present for your wife. But, unfortunately, it turned out to be broken. Write an email of complaint to the store = explain what you bought and when = explain the problem you have in details = tell what do you want the store to do for you Write at least 150 words

#vacuum #wife #email #complaint #store
Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to inform you that your store sold me faulty equipment. I bought a vacuum cleaner called Bork V830 in one of your stores at address 10, Pozoloti Ruchku St. yesterday (2023/06/06). I searched for silence, qualitative, inexpensive and modern vacuum cleaners, and your manager recommended
this
 model.
Finally
, I went home, opened the box as well and switched on
this
 device, but it didn’t work. After that, I switched on it in another socket – the same.
Next,
I checked my sockets - it worked.
In other words
, the problem was found in a vacuum cleaner. I returned back to your store and I saw it was closed. I would like to change
this
 device or turn back my money. If you should require any
further
 information like video or photos, I can send you. I would be grateful if you could contact me as soon as possible
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because it's a present for my wife. Yours sincerely, Vladimir Belitskii
Submitted by samedovateacher on

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clarity
The complaint email is mostly well-structured, but there's a minor issue in clarity. The phrase "I searched for silence, qualitative, inexpensive and modern vacuum cleaners" could be improved for better readability. Consider revising it to "I was looking for a quiet, high-quality, inexpensive, and modern vacuum cleaner." This will enhance the clarity of your request.
grammar
Ensure grammatical consistency. For example, "I returned back to your store and I saw it was closed" can be simplified to "I returned to your store and saw it was closed." The word 'back' is redundant here.
word choice expressions
Instead of "turn back my money," use "refund my money." This is a more common and professional way to express this request in English.
task achievement
The email clearly explains the issue and the action you want the store to take. This demonstrates a good understanding of the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
The organization of the information is logical and easy to follow. Each paragraph covers a specific aspect of the complaint, making it coherent and cohesive.
task achievement
The email includes specific details, such as the date of purchase, the model of the vacuum cleaner, and the steps you took to troubleshoot the issue. These examples provide strong support for your complaint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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