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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

These days, more and more people are going to other countries for significant period of time, either to find a job or to study. There are clearly many benefits to doing this, but people who live abroad can also face some difficulties. What are the advantage and disadvantage of the trend?

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Nowadays, the number of
people
 travelling to other countries either to find a job or to study for a significant period of time is considerably increased.
Although
 these
people
 can face many benefits to doing
this
, some of them may face some difficulties. I think the benefits far
out weigh
Correct your spelling
outweigh
show examples
 any drawbacks.
Firstly
, one primary disadvantage is homesickness and social isolation. To clarify, being away from family and
friends
 for a long period of time can lead to homesickness and loneliness.
Furthermore
,
this
 feeling may be especially difficult during holidays and special occasions.
For example
, doctors and teachers can't celebrate with
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 families and
friends
.
Furthermore
, in
Eid
Add a comma
Eid,
show examples
 the person likes to be with family and
friends
 to celebrate with them. In my opinion, they can make new
friends
 in the country they study or work in.
Moreover
, they can make online calls with
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 families to celebrate with them.
On the other hand
, one positive side of living abroad is that get opportunities to access better careers. To explain, many
people
 prefer to move to countries with more developed economies which can help them to get jobs with higher salaries, better working roles, and more opportunities for professional growth.
This
 can lead to improved quality of life and financial stability.
For instance
, many
people
 move to Britain to study because they can get professional job offers with better facilities after studying. I think that good careers are not easy to achieve, and there are fewer opportunities in countries with good facilities compared to abroad. In conclusion,
although
people
 like to have a good career with good benefits,
this
up side
Correct your spelling
upside
show examples
 is more important than the
down side
Correct your spelling
downside
show examples
, they want to celebrate with family and
friends
.
Submitted by alharrasialanood7 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, but some sentences are not logically connected. Try to make sure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next.
task achievement
You've made an overall good response to the task, but make sure to elaborate more on both the advantages and disadvantages for a more balanced view.
task achievement
There are a few grammatical errors and unclear sentences. For instance, 'many benefits to doing this' should be 'many benefits to living abroad', and 'lead to improved quality of life and financial stability' should be further explained.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant and effectively support your points. This adds strength to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay successfully balances both the advantages and disadvantages of living abroad.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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