Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians, or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid?

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It is a common belief that celebrities including movie stars, entertainers, and athletes are receiving more money than they deserve.

This

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essay will shed light on the reasons why I strongly advocate

with

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apply

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this

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statement before discussing other careers that I believe should be paid more generously. There are two reasons I believe those household names are earning more income

that

Correct word choice

than

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they should. First and foremost,

although

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the entertaining value they bring is enjoyable, it is disproportionate to the real assets they can provide.

For example

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, a good song cannot cure diseases, or watching a TV show cannot help families make ends meet.

Furthermore

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Change preposition

apply

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paying those renowned individuals too high, it might have

detrimental

Add an article

a detrimental

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influence on

the

Correct article usage

apply

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young people.

Instead

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of trying to focus on education and a solid career path, many youngsters nowadays are inclined to

being

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under the spotlight. Indeed, there

have

Correct subject-verb agreement

has

show examples

been an increase in

number

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a number

the number

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of teenagers creating

Tiktok

Correct your spelling

TikTok

show examples

accounts and the time spent on social media is rising as opposed to that of studying.

Moreover

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, there are several other professions that I believe should be earning higher. Primarily, those who work in healthcare deserve better

renumeration

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remuneration

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. In fact, the

effort

Fix the agreement mistake

efforts

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of those healthcare workers have been in the

spot light

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spotlight

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recently, especially after COVID-19, when they became the frontline forces regardless of the infection risk.

Thus

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, it is indispensable that they should be earning more. Another occupation that should be considered for a higher

payrate

Correct your spelling

pay rate

is the municipal hygiene workers, namely the street cleaners. Without their dedicated work, the city would be full of

trashes

Correct subject-verb agreement

trash

show examples

and the views would not be as pleasant.

Hence

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, a higher compensation would be an encouragement for the ones who keep the city clean. In conclusion, I agree that famous people are earning too much money, especially when their products are not essential, and it may encourage

the

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apply

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juveniles to turn away from proper education.

On the other hand

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, there are several professions

who

Correct pronoun usage

that

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should be rewarded with higher incomes, including medical

personnels

Correct your spelling

personnel

and hygiene officers.

kimtruong270192Mon Jul 29 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that all ideas are fully developed and support them with more specific examples where possible. For instance, instead of general statements about social media usage, you could provide statistics or specific studies to back up your claims.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that transitions between ideas are smooth and that each paragraph logically follows from the one before it. This can be achieved by using more transitional phrases and linking words.

introduction conclusion present

The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the argument effectively.

clear comprehensive ideas

The ideas presented are generally clear and comprehensive, and the essay provides a complete response to both parts of the question.

logical structure

Main points are supported with explanations, and the essay stays on topic throughout, demonstrating good coherence and cohesion.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

337 words

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Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians, or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid?

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people think that there are now too many cars on the roads, and that they are spoiling our towns and ciities. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, experience is more valued in the workplace than knowledge in many countries. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

Some people believe that violence on television and in computer games has a damaging effect on the society. Others deny that these factors have any significant influence on people's behavior. What is your opinion?

The development of tourism contributed to English becoming the most prominent language in the world. Some people think this will lead to English becoming the only language to be spoken globally. What are the advantages and disadvantages to having one language in the world?