Some people feel that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians, or sports stars are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid?
It is a common belief that celebrities including movie stars, entertainers, and athletes are receiving more money than they deserve.
This
essay will shed light on the reasons why I strongly advocate with
Change preposition
apply
this
statement before discussing other careers that I believe should be paid more generously.
There are two reasons I believe those household names are earning more income that
they should. First and foremost, Correct word choice
than
although
the entertaining value they bring is enjoyable, it is disproportionate to the real assets they can provide. For example
, a good song cannot cure diseases, or watching a TV show cannot help families make ends meet. Furthermore
, by
paying those renowned individuals too high, it might have Change preposition
apply
detrimental
influence on Add an article
a detrimental
the
young people. Correct article usage
apply
Instead
of trying to focus on education and a solid career path, many youngsters nowadays are inclined to being
under the spotlight. Indeed, there Change the form of the verb
be
have
been an increase in Correct subject-verb agreement
has
number
of teenagers creating Change the article
a number
the number
Tiktok
accounts and the time spent on social media is rising as opposed to that of studying.
Correct your spelling
TikTok
Moreover
, there are several other professions that I believe should be earning higher. Primarily, those who work in healthcare deserve better renumeration
. In fact, the Correct your spelling
remuneration
effort
of those healthcare workers have been in the Fix the agreement mistake
efforts
spot light
recently, especially after COVID-19, when they became the frontline forces regardless of the infection risk. Correct your spelling
spotlight
Thus
, it is indispensable that they should be earning more. Another occupation that should be considered for a higher payrate
is the municipal hygiene workers, namely the street cleaners. Without their dedicated work, the city would be full of Correct your spelling
pay rate
trashes
and the views would not be as pleasant. Correct subject-verb agreement
trash
Hence
, a higher compensation would be an encouragement for the ones who keep the city clean.
In conclusion, I agree that famous people are earning too much money, especially when their products are not essential, and it may encourage the
juveniles to turn away from proper education. Correct article usage
apply
On the other hand
, there are several professions who
should be rewarded with higher incomes, including medical Correct pronoun usage
that
personnels
and hygiene officers.Correct your spelling
personnel
Submitted by kimtruong270192 on
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task achievement
Ensure that all ideas are fully developed and support them with more specific examples where possible. For instance, instead of general statements about social media usage, you could provide statistics or specific studies to back up your claims.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that transitions between ideas are smooth and that each paragraph logically follows from the one before it. This can be achieved by using more transitional phrases and linking words.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the argument effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas presented are generally clear and comprehensive, and the essay provides a complete response to both parts of the question.
logical structure
Main points are supported with explanations, and the essay stays on topic throughout, demonstrating good coherence and cohesion.