Due to high unemployment rate in some countries, pupils should be offered only primary education and not secondary education since there are no jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is no doubt, that in some regions people can not find jobs and the idea of limiting
a
number of students who can get secondary Change the article
the
education
is discussed in society. This
trend is negative, which I will explain further
.
To begin
with, as a disadvantage of lowering volume
of Add an article
the volume
individuals
studyed
Correct your spelling
studying
in
Change preposition
at
universityes
, decreasing their chances Correct your spelling
universities
on
finding a job will be considered. Change preposition
of
For instance
, in Africa the unemployment rate is extremely high, however
many enterprises can not find employees from local
market. Add an article
the local
a local
This
is because,
unemployed Remove the comma
apply
individuals
do not have apropriate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
education
and hiring companies complain on
Change preposition
about
lack
of professionals. Alternatively, if locals had enough knowledge they would Correct article usage
a lack
substitude
Correct your spelling
substitute
foreing
workers. So, the implementation of restricting advanced studying may worsen the situation of Correct your spelling
foreign
unemployment
rate.
Add an article
the unemployment
In addition
, higher education
empower
students, leading in some cases to Change the verb form
empowers
creation
Add an article
the creation
new
Change preposition
of new
work places
, and the shortage of educated Correct your spelling
workplaces
individuals
will not improve Add an article
the labor
labor
market. To illustrate Change the spelling
labour
this
, in Kazakhstan, Mihail Lomtadze had
Unnecessary verb
apply
recieved
the Harvard diploma and founded the Kaspi Correct your spelling
received
high tech
company where thousands of people work. Add a hyphen
high-tech
In other words
, in order to decrease an
unemployment rate, governments should Correct article usage
the
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
number
of educated people who can found Change the article
a number
the number
own
companiesCorrect pronoun usage
their own
,
and should not do Remove the comma
apply
vise
versa. Without good Change the spelling
vice
education
an individual may establish only Add a comma
education,
primitive
company, which will not comprise Correct article usage
a primitive
of
many employees.
In conclusion, I disagree with the argument, that secondary Change preposition
apply
education
should not be offered since there are no jobs. It is hard to deny, that uneducated candidates may find vacancies more difficult than individuals
with a diploma. Moreover
, new work places
may not appear.Correct your spelling
workplaces
Submitted by sergeybelov83 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure, but try to focus more on developing each main point and providing specific examples to support each idea. This will help strengthen your argument and make your essay more persuasive.
grammar
There are some grammatical errors and awkward phrasings throughout your essay. Consider proofreading and refining your sentences for greater clarity and correctness.
task achievement
While you have addressed the prompt, try to provide a more nuanced discussion, including potential counterarguments. This will show a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, which shows a good understanding of essay structure.
task achievement
The ideas in your essay are relevant to the prompt, and you provide logical reasoning to support your opinions.