IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the modern world it is possible to shop, work and communicate with people via the internet and live without any face-to-face contact with others. Is it a positive or negative development in your opinion?

#world #shop #work #people #internet #contact #development
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In contemporary
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time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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,
people
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 tend to work, shop, and communicate with each other through social media platforms and do not have any direct contact in life.
While
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this
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 trend has some positive
effects
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, I believe that the negative
effects
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 of
this
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 trend are more significant. Despite many drawbacks that
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internet
Correct article usage
the internet
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 has brought for
people
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, it may
also
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 bring some advantages.
Firstly
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,
people
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 can take advantage of the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 as it offers tremendous convenience. Individuals can
shopping
Change the verb form
shop
be shopping
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 online, or talk about work through the screen without
go
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going
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 outside, or they can do some remote work from anywhere and make friends from different
part
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parts
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 of the
global
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globe
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.
In addition
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,
people
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 can save their money and
time
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 in transportation costs by shopping through media platforms and working online.
For instance
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, customers just
surfing
Wrong verb form
surf
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 and choose what they want to buy and the shipper will deliver it to them. It not only brings convenience for
people
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 but
also
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 contributes to
protect
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protecting
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 the environment
from
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by
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 reducing the
amount
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number
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 of vehicles moving on the road.
On the other hand
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, I believe that the negative side of
this
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 trend will do more harm than good in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 long run. The lack of direct communication can prevent
people
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 from making meaningful relationships with others
around
Correct pronoun usage
around them
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.
Furthermore
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, if
people
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 especially teenagers rely and spend too much
time
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 on technology, it can cause them some problems related to mental illness.
For example
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,
people
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 are attached to the
internet
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 all the
time
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instead
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 of participating in activities with family and friends.
As a result
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, the communication
skill
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skills
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 of each individual will decrease and
do
Verb problem
they will
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 not have any
connections
Correct word choice
social connections
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 with
social
Replace the word
society
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, which has a bad effect on mental health and well-being. In conclusion,
while
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 shopping, working and communicating with
people
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 via the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 without any face-to-face interactions have some positive
effects
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, I believe that its negative
effects
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 are more important in
people
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's lives. These disadvantages can mitigate the chance for
people
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 to strengthen
the
Change the word
their
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 bond with others and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not improve soft skills
such
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 as communication
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
.
Submitted by thanhtu.thcsbt on

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grammar
Ensure consistency in tenses and subject-verb agreement. For example, 'Individuals can shopping online' should be 'Individuals can shop online.'
sentence structure
Work on sentence structure to avoid run-on sentences and improve readability. For instance, 'Individuals can shop online...' should be a separate sentence for clarity.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the argument well.
content
Good use of examples to support the main points, such as the convenience of online shopping.
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