Some employers offer their employees subsidizedmembership of gyms and sport clubs , believe that this will make their staff healthier and more effective at work . Other employees find no benifit doing so. Discuss both views .

Few employers offer subsidized membership
of
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in
show examples
gym
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gyms
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and
sports
club
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clubs
show examples
for their
employees
.
This
will motivate
employees
to work out and remain fit.
Whereas
others feel that it’s a complete waste of time for them and they do not engage themselves in any sort of physical activity.
While the
Correct word choice
The
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former view of
employer
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the employer
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is motivating and
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
health
option
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options
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to
employees
as compared to the latter view of
employees
.
To begin
with,
Corporates
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Corporations
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these days face
issue
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issues
show examples
regards to
Replace the word
regarding
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employee health like physical or mental exhaustion. It is a welcoming decision by them to provide subsidized membership
of
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to
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gym
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the gym
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,
sports
club which
inspire
Correct subject-verb agreement
inspires
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
to remain fit and healthy.
Furthermore
, the benefits are enormous for
employees
as they can monitor and track their
fitness
level and make sure they are free from any kind of
diseases
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disease
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or
burnouts
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burnout
show examples
. To illustrate, In India, many people pay attention to their
fitness
as compared to
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
countries. So, providing subsidized membership is a good initiative by enterprises.
However
, Others feel that visiting gyms and
sports
club
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clubs
show examples
daily is
time consuming
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time-consuming
show examples
and do not provide any health benefits. they feel that if they do exercise and play any
sports
it will be termed as childish and ignore
importance
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the importance
show examples
of physical well-being.
Moreover
, many people are not aware of
countless
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the countless
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benefit
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benefits
show examples
of
fitness
.
For example
, In the US, many obese people do not pay attention to healthy
lifestyle
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lifestyles
show examples
. Eating healthy food and exercising regularly keeps them fit, but they ignore
such
advises
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advice
show examples
despite providing facilities for exercise. In conclusion,
although
Employers are striving hard to make sure their
employee
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employees
show examples
are fit and healthy, still Many
employees
do not take
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
of
facilities
Correct article usage
the facilities
show examples
provided by employers,
Employees
are not paying attention to their
fitness
.
Submitted by yash334 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view and addresses both sides of the argument. However, your ideas could be more fully developed with more specific examples and deeper analysis.
task achievement
Ensure you provide more detailed and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments and increase the clarity of your response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the organization of paragraphs can be improved for better logical flow. Consider linking ideas more effectively between and within paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to improve the flow of your essay. Phrases like 'on the other hand,' 'in contrast,' and 'therefore' can help to connect your ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
You provide a clear conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points, which is a strength in coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up the issue and presents both sides of the argument, which is effective in framing the essay.
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