IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some employers offer their employees subsidizedmembership of gyms and sport clubs , believe that this will make their staff healthier and more effective at work . Other employees find no benifit doing so. Discuss both views .

#employers #offer #employees #subsidizedmembership #gyms #sport #clubs #staff #work #benifit
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Few employers offer subsidized membership
of
Change preposition
in
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gym
Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
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 and
sports
Use synonyms
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
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 for their
employees
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 will motivate
employees
Use synonyms
 to work out and remain fit.
Whereas
Linking Words
 others feel that it’s a complete waste of time for them and they do not engage themselves in any sort of physical activity.
Linking Words
While the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 former view of
employer
Add an article
the employer
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 is motivating and
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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 health
option
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options
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 to
employees
Use synonyms
 as compared to the latter view of
employees
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.
To begin
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 with,
Corporates
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Corporations
show examples
 these days face
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
regards to
Replace the word
regarding
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 employee health like physical or mental exhaustion. It is a welcoming decision by them to provide subsidized membership
of
Change preposition
to
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gym
Add an article
the gym
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,
sports
Use synonyms
 club which
inspire
Correct subject-verb agreement
inspires
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employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
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 to remain fit and healthy.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the benefits are enormous for
employees
Use synonyms
 as they can monitor and track their
fitness
Use synonyms
 level and make sure they are free from any kind of
diseases
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disease
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 or
burnouts
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burnout
show examples
. To illustrate, In India, many people pay attention to their
fitness
Use synonyms
 as compared to
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 countries. So, providing subsidized membership is a good initiative by enterprises.
However
Linking Words
, Others feel that visiting gyms and
sports
Use synonyms
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
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 daily is
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
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 and do not provide any health benefits. they feel that if they do exercise and play any
sports
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 it will be termed as childish and ignore
importance
Add an article
the importance
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 of physical well-being.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many people are not aware of
countless
Correct article usage
the countless
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benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 of
fitness
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, In the US, many obese people do not pay attention to healthy
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
. Eating healthy food and exercising regularly keeps them fit, but they ignore
such
Linking Words
advises
Replace the word
advice
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 despite providing facilities for exercise. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 Employers are striving hard to make sure their
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
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 are fit and healthy, still Many
employees
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 do not take
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 of
facilities
Correct article usage
the facilities
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 provided by employers,
Employees
Use synonyms
 are not paying attention to their
fitness
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by yash334 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view and addresses both sides of the argument. However, your ideas could be more fully developed with more specific examples and deeper analysis.
task achievement
Ensure you provide more detailed and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments and increase the clarity of your response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the organization of paragraphs can be improved for better logical flow. Consider linking ideas more effectively between and within paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to improve the flow of your essay. Phrases like 'on the other hand,' 'in contrast,' and 'therefore' can help to connect your ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
You provide a clear conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points, which is a strength in coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up the issue and presents both sides of the argument, which is effective in framing the essay.
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