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Band 5

Some employers offer their employees subsidizedmembership of gyms and sport clubs , believe that this will make their staff healthier and more effective at work . Other employees find no benifit doing so. Discuss both views .

#employers #offer #employees #subsidizedmembership #gyms #sport #clubs #staff #work #benifit
Few employers offer subsidized membership
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
gym
Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
show examples
 and
sports
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
 for their
employees
.
This
 will motivate
employees
 to work out and remain fit.
Whereas
 others feel that it’s a complete waste of time for them and they do not engage themselves in any sort of physical activity.
While the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 former view of
employer
Add an article
the employer
show examples
 is motivating and
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 health
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
 to
employees
 as compared to the latter view of
employees
.
To begin
 with,
Corporates
Replace the word
Corporations
show examples
 these days face
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
regards to
Replace the word
regarding
show examples
 employee health like physical or mental exhaustion. It is a welcoming decision by them to provide subsidized membership
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
,
sports
 club which
inspire
Correct subject-verb agreement
inspires
show examples
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 to remain fit and healthy.
Furthermore
, the benefits are enormous for
employees
 as they can monitor and track their
fitness
 level and make sure they are free from any kind of
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
 or
burnouts
Fix the agreement mistake
burnout
show examples
. To illustrate, In India, many people pay attention to their
fitness
 as compared to
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
 countries. So, providing subsidized membership is a good initiative by enterprises.
However
, Others feel that visiting gyms and
sports
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
 daily is
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
 and do not provide any health benefits. they feel that if they do exercise and play any
sports
 it will be termed as childish and ignore
importance
Add an article
the importance
show examples
 of physical well-being.
Moreover
, many people are not aware of
countless
Correct article usage
the countless
show examples
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 of
fitness
.
For example
, In the US, many obese people do not pay attention to healthy
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
. Eating healthy food and exercising regularly keeps them fit, but they ignore
such
advises
Replace the word
advice
show examples
 despite providing facilities for exercise. In conclusion,
although
 Employers are striving hard to make sure their
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 are fit and healthy, still Many
employees
 do not take
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 of
facilities
Correct article usage
the facilities
show examples
 provided by employers,
Employees
 are not paying attention to their
fitness
.
Submitted by yash334 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view and addresses both sides of the argument. However, your ideas could be more fully developed with more specific examples and deeper analysis.
task achievement
Ensure you provide more detailed and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments and increase the clarity of your response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, but the organization of paragraphs can be improved for better logical flow. Consider linking ideas more effectively between and within paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to improve the flow of your essay. Phrases like 'on the other hand,' 'in contrast,' and 'therefore' can help to connect your ideas more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
You provide a clear conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points, which is a strength in coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up the issue and presents both sides of the argument, which is effective in framing the essay.

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