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Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is not necessary to travel to other places to learn the culture of other people. We can learn just as much from books, films and the internet. Do you agree or disagree?

#travel #places #culture #people #books #films #internet
For some people travelling to foreign countries can be avoided by reading books, watching movies or
surf
Wrong verb form
surfing
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 on the world wide web. In my opinion, living the
experince
Correct your spelling
experience
 of a face-to-face encounter with another culture and living in the way these
community
Change the determiner
communities
show examples
 do, is not comparable with the other aforementioned methods. 
Firstly
, travelling physically
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 another
country
 makes the experience much greater. Getting in touch with
a the
Choose an article
an
the
show examples
 environment,
breathing
Correct word choice
and breathing
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 its air is a
complete
Change the adjective
completely
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 different experience than reading it in a book or watching it on television. Taking a safari trip, experiencing the heat and seeing the lions in real life cannot be done through a computer.
In addition
, cameras are not able to film what you see with your own eyes and transmit
you
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
those emotions and memories.
Furthermore
, travelling to another
country
 means eating what they eat, speaking how they speak and
adapt
Wrong verb form
adapting
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 to their usualities. If you want to
immerge
Correct your spelling
immerse
show examples
 yourself in an
allround
Correct your spelling
all-round
all round
 experience you have to have to live in the conditions the other people are
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
 To make it clearer, it can be advantageous to mention a
country
,
for
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 Spain, to understand what I mean. First of all, you have to learn the basics of their language, eat a proper paella and do the so-called siesta, which is an afternoon nap.
To sum up
, in my opinion travelling to another
country
 to learn another culture is not comparable with reading it in books or other methods. Watching movies and
research
Wrong verb form
researching
show examples
 the
country
 on the internet can be positive to prepare yourself for the journey but nothing more than that.
Submitted by brama.chris on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well, but some ideas could be expanded further for more clarity and depth. Aim to provide more specific examples and elaborate on your points to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Focus on ensuring that all paragraphs link smoothly to each other. Your introduction and conclusion are present and generally clear, but try to enhance the logical flow between your points.
language
Be cautious of small grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. For instance, "travelling physically into another country" could be rephrased to "physically traveling to another country." Minor changes like these will enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your position and sets the stage for your argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples such as the safari trip and the Spanish culture, which positively contribute to the explanation of your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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