It is not necessary to travel to other places to learn the culture of other people. We can learn just as much from books, films and the internet. Do you agree or disagree?
For some people travelling to foreign countries can be avoided by reading books, watching movies or
surf
on the world wide web. In my opinion, living the Wrong verb form
surfing
experince
of a face-to-face encounter with another culture and living in the way these Correct your spelling
experience
community
do, is not comparable with the other aforementioned methods.
Change the determiner
communities
Firstly
, travelling physically into
another Change preposition
to
country
makes the experience much greater. Getting in touch with a the
environment, Choose an article
an
the
breathing
its air is a Correct word choice
and breathing
complete
different experience than reading it in a book or watching it on television. Taking a safari trip, experiencing the heat and seeing the lions in real life cannot be done through a computer. Change the adjective
completely
In addition
, cameras are not able to film what you see with your own eyes and transmit you
those emotions and memories.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
Furthermore
, travelling to another country
means eating what they eat, speaking how they speak and adapt
to their usualities. If you want to Wrong verb form
adapting
immerge
yourself in an Correct your spelling
immerse
allround
experience you have to have to live in the conditions the other people areCorrect your spelling
all-round
all round
.
To make it clearer, it can be advantageous to mention a Change preposition
in.
country
, for
instance
Spain, to understand what I mean. First of all, you have to learn the basics of their language, eat a proper paella and do the so-called siesta, which is an afternoon nap.
Add a comma
instance,
To sum up
, in my opinion travelling to another country
to learn another culture is not comparable with reading it in books or other methods. Watching movies and research
the Wrong verb form
researching
country
on the internet can be positive to prepare yourself for the journey but nothing more than that.Submitted by brama.chris on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses the topic well, but some ideas could be expanded further for more clarity and depth. Aim to provide more specific examples and elaborate on your points to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Focus on ensuring that all paragraphs link smoothly to each other. Your introduction and conclusion are present and generally clear, but try to enhance the logical flow between your points.
language
Be cautious of small grammatical errors and awkward phrasings. For instance, "travelling physically into another country" could be rephrased to "physically traveling to another country." Minor changes like these will enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your position and sets the stage for your argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples such as the safari trip and the Spanish culture, which positively contribute to the explanation of your points.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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