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Band 5.5

Nowadays, many people change jobs quite regularly, rather than working in the one company for their entire careers. Why do you think this is happening? How can companies keep their workers?

#people #change #jobs #company #careers #companies #workers
Nowadays there is a vast array of
job
 opportunities. Many new companies are developing, which creates a competition between the employers. Searching for a
change
 or a better
pay check
Correct your spelling
paycheck
show examples
 many people tend to leave their
job
 after a few years, rather than working at the same place their whole lives. In
this
 essay, I will give my opinion on why a (trend) like
this
 occurs,
as well as
 give solutions on how to fix it. In my view, the main reason why people often
change
 their jobs is their desire to take risks and try something new. After doing the exact same thing every day you fall into a routine. The daily tasks seem to be repeating again and again.
Therefore
, the workers start wishing for a
change
 in their lifestyle. By getting a new
job
, they
also
 gain new colleagues, build their network, get a
change
 of environment and make their
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 life a bit more exciting. I strongly believe that creating great working conditions and giving chances to increase the
pay check
Correct your spelling
paycheck
show examples
, will result in
employees
 who are truly loyal to the
company
.
Firstly
, the
company
 should invest in a modern, high-quality
work space
Correct your spelling
workspace
show examples
. By giving workers the best equipment, they will feel motivated to do the tasks quickly and effectively.
Moreover
, there should be
team building
Add a hyphen
team-building
show examples
 exercises and events. That would create a team of colleagues who are happy to help each other.
Secondly
, to maintain the working staff, the
company
 has to give
employees
 a chance to earn more as
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time passes.
For example
, they could raise the salary for those working there for 3 or more years. To add on they could give their
employees
 additional bonuses for finishing big projects or finding new clients. In
this
 essay, I explained the state of the
job
 market and how hard it is for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
show examples
 to find people who are willing to work in the same place for a long time. I am of the opinion that every
company
 has to make their
employees
 feel appreciated
while
 providing the resources for them to keep growing as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
. That would create a great environment for both - the
job
 provider and the employee.
Submitted by evijavidemane on

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coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that all paragraphs are clearly linked to one another using appropriate transitional phrases. This will help the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Consider giving more specific examples to illustrate the points more vividly. For example, mention a specific industry or role to give more context.
coherence cohesion
You have structured the essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The essay answers both parts of the question comprehensively and includes relevant points about why people change jobs and how companies can retain their workers.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well-supported, and you include logical reasoning to back up your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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