IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Natural resources, such as water, forest, and oil are being used at an excessive rate. What is the main cause of this problem? How can this issue be solved?

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The planet's resources are being exploited at an alarming pace. The primary cause of
this
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 phenomenon is overpopulation in big cities, and the most viable solution is to raise
people
Use synonyms
's awareness of
this
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 issue. Millions of
people
Use synonyms
 are working and living in big cities every day.
That is
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 to say that a huge amount of
energy
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 is being consumed to serve the basic needs of citizens.
This
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 in turn results in serious
energy
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 depletion as the demand for natural resources is becoming higher and higher, especially in the form of petrol, water and gas. Many
people
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 have to use these for transportation, and household applicants.
For example
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, gas and petrol stations in Vietnam provide
millions
Add the preposition
millions of
show examples
 litres of petrol to motorbike and car owners without a day off. A long-term solution to
this
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 predicament is to promote
people
Use synonyms
's awareness through social media. By making communities on online media,
people
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 from all over the world will be able to participate in solving the problem. It will not only make it easier for us to spread the message of conserving our natural sources of
energy
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 but
also
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educating
Wrong verb form
educate
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 young
people
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 about the consequences of wasting
energy
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. In fact, thanks to TED, there are many campaigns about protecting the environment are being carried out and encouraged by many individuals. In conclusion, the planet is being depleted at a staggering rate because too many
people
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 are using the resources excessively and the message of
this
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 problem must be conveyed to the whole world.

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task achievement
You have clearly addressed the task, but adding more concrete details on how overpopulation directly impacts resource consumption might strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are generally clear, consider adding in-text references or transitions to indicate the relationship between your ideas more explicitly.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively introduces the topic and provides a conclusion that summarizes the main points.
task achievement
You provide relevant specific examples, such as the petrol stations in Vietnam, which strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs that each focus on a single idea or aspect of the discussion.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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