IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Developing countries require international organizations' help. Some people prefer financial aid while others think practical aid and advice are better. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #organizations #people #aid #advice
Developing
coutries
Correct your spelling
countries
 need support from international organizations to become a more
comprehend
Wrong verb form
comprehended
show examples
 and better society. The form of support
including
Replace the word
includes
show examples
 financial and practical where
people
 find useful. In my opinion,
while
 both financial
aid
 and practical
aid
 are significant, practical
aid
 plays a greater role in making a critical change in developing countries. Developing countries mostly rely on primary and secondary
industry
Fix the agreement mistake
industries
show examples
 to generate money
such
 as farming and making simple products in industries. Providing financial
aid
 can improve the financial situation of these
countires
Correct your spelling
countries
.
For example
, building
infrasturctures
Correct your spelling
infrastructures
infrastructure
 to produce energy for exchange and utilizing technologies to increase the effectiveness of production and farming.
However
, financial
aid
 could not teach citizens about methods or frameworks that they could use to create other things. Practical
aid
 and advice
serves
Change the verb form
serve
show examples
 as a guide for
people
 in developing
coutries
Correct your spelling
countries
. Education is one of the
example
Change to a plural noun
examples
show examples
. Under education,
people
 directly learn from lessons and can teach others to pass on knowledge. Knowledge and skills will grow when
applying
Wrong verb form
applied
show examples
 to
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 situations.
People
 develop problem-solving skills throughout the process of learning. In conclusion,
although
 financial resources are useful, they will be used up one day. The best way is to learn the method to generate more resources
instead
 of receiving financial
aid
. Practical
aid
 is a better way for
people
 to learn and develop
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task achievement
Your essay effectively covered both perspectives on the topic, but it could benefit from more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Providing concrete examples can make your points more convincing and clear.
task achievement
Some of your main points lack detailed explanations. For instance, you mentioned financial aid and its benefits, but it would be helpful to elaborate on how practical aid specifically impacts individuals and communities in developing countries.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your paragraphs are well-developed. Each should contain a clear topic sentence, supporting sentences, and a concluding sentence. This structure will enhance the flow of your essay and make your arguments clearer.
task achievement
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. They effectively frame your essay and restate your main points.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view by discussing both financial and practical aid before expressing your own opinion. This demonstrates an understanding of the question and task.
coherence cohesion
The essay is generally well-organized, with a logical progression of ideas. Your transitions between paragraphs are smooth, helping to maintain coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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