In the future, people may no longer be able to pay things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phone. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

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Since the advancement
on
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

payment
Add an article
the payment

The noun phrase payment method seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods

It seems that method may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, people nowadays
start
Wrong verb form
have started

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb start. Consider changing it.

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using
virtual
Add an article
the virtual
a virtual

The noun phrase virtual method seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods

It seems that method may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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to pay their
bill
Fix the agreement mistake
bills

It seems that bill may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, can mobile
payment
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

complete
Change the word
completely

Complete seems to be the wrong part of speech for this context.

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replace real
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and convince everybody? In my opinion, pay with real
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

still
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes

It seems that the verb take does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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an important place in recent society, and it will not have dramatically
change
Wrong verb form
changed

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb change. Consider changing it.

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in the future. The reason why I think
that is
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

based on the technology development and energy problem.
First,
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

let's talk about technology, with
higer
Correct your spelling
higher

If you don’t want higer to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

development in virtual
payment
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, some
hacker
Fix the agreement mistake
hackers

It seems that hacker may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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or
scammer
Fix the agreement mistake
scammers

It seems that scammer may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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will start thinking
how
Change preposition
about how

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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to get
mony
Correct your spelling
money

If you don’t want mony to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

through
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

payment
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

method.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, if someone got hacked or scammed after using
card
Correct article usage
a card

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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or phone to pay
will
Wrong verb form
would

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb will. Consider changing it.

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trust it anymore
.
Change the punctuation
?

The punctuation mark may be incorrect here. Consider changing it.

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Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, let's talk about
energy
Add an article
the energy

The noun phrase energy problem seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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problem. Begin with situation simulation, If you are facing
natural
Add an article
a natural

The noun phrase natural disaster seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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disaster like
typhoon
Correct article usage
a typhoon

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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or tornado, and
city
Add an article
the city

The noun phrase city seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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is out of electricity. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

kind of situation, it's barely impossible to get food with
credit
Add an article
a credit

The noun phrase credit card seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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card
in store
Add a hyphen
in-store

It appears that in store is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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cause
Correct word choice
because

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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the all system is
shout
Correct your spelling
shut

The word shout doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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down, and the only way is using real
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to pay. In conclusion, real
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is still a non-replacement way to pay, people with the problem above will definitely not feel good
to
Change preposition
about

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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giving up real
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Maybe it is not the most
convince
Change the form of the verb
convincing

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb convince. Consider changing it.

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but it is the most reliable.

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grammar
Work on improving your grammar and spelling to enhance clarity. Pay attention to sentence structure and verb forms.
development
Provide more specific examples and elaborate on them to strengthen your arguments. This will make your response more convincing and comprehensive.
structure
Enhance your introduction and conclusion by making them more engaging. A strong introduction sets the tone for the essay, and a strong conclusion leaves a lasting impression.
task response
Your essay addresses the topic and discusses relevant points, particularly the issues of cybersecurity and energy problems.
coherence
The points you make are logical and relevant, showing a good understanding of the topic.
structure
You have a structured approach with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cashless society
  • digital payment systems
  • financial institutions
  • transparency
  • illegal activities
  • privacy reasons
  • digital trace
  • technologically challenged
  • cybersecurity threats
  • technical failures
  • cultural attachments
  • resistant to change
What to do next:
Look at other essays: