IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people think that the support of celebrities for international aid organisations draws attention to their causes, while others think celebrity support makes their causes seem less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowdays
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to celebrate
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
international
eid
Capitalize word
Eid
show examples
 and say it is
signifcant
Correct your spelling
significant
.
while
Linking Words
 others argue that and
no
Add a missing verb
have no
show examples
 support.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss
down
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both sides .
Body paragraph 1
First of all, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 believe that
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 national day is a
significat
Correct your spelling
significant
 event
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
. To
demonstarte
Correct your spelling
demonstrate
 more, each person put
Correct article usage
a printscreen
show examples
printscreen
Correct your spelling
PrintScreen
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 that day .
For instance
Linking Words
, many of them
dancing
Wrong verb form
dance
show examples
 and
singing
Wrong verb form
sing
show examples
 in an
anicent
Correct your spelling
ancient
 place .
people
Use synonyms
 feel peace and
confident
Replace the word
confidence
show examples
 when they
celebrated
Wrong verb form
celebrate
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, some
individulas
Correct your spelling
individuals
 suffer in the
celebrate
Replace the word
celebration
show examples
 which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to some causes,
firstly
Linking Words
, they do not have any skills or
hobbes
Correct your spelling
hobbies
. To
details
Correct subject-verb agreement
detail
show examples
 more, some
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 poor from a
pertty
Correct your spelling
pretty
 sound to sing .
Hence
Linking Words
 , they are
shy
Rephrase
too shy
show examples
 to shine
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 special
day
Fix the agreement mistake
days
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, some young can appear
happiness
Replace the word
happy
show examples
 by
silent
Add a missing verb
being silent
show examples
 and
let
Wrong verb form
letting
show examples
 other
people
Use synonyms
 share .
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly believe
people
Use synonyms
 should celebrate
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the way who note
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
right
.some individulas
Correct your spelling
Some individuals
 believe clebrate is
professional
Add an article
a professional
show examples
 event
while
Linking Words
 others
blieve
Correct your spelling
believe
 is not
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
 event. Celebrate
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 a chance to connect with different ages in
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay addresses the topic but the response is not complete and lacks depth. Try to provide more comprehensive ideas and detailed arguments. Ensure that you cover both views more equally and address the prompt more precisely.
task achievement
There are several grammatical and vocabulary errors which affect the clarity of the essay. Focus on improving your language accuracy to make your arguments clearer.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a basic logical structure but it could be improved with clearer paragraphs and better transitions between ideas. For example, you can use more linking words and phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one point to another.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the points to be discussed and your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points while giving your final opinion.
task achievement
The essay shows a good attempt at addressing and discussing both views regarding the topic.
task achievement
You have used some relevant examples to support your arguments, which is good practice.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of having an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion is good. Keep working on organizing and developing your ideas within this structure.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Garner significant media attention
  • Raise awareness
  • International aid organisations
  • Increased donations and support
  • Lend credibility
  • Sense of urgency
  • Overshadow the actual issues
  • Superficial understanding
  • Complexities of the issues
  • Perceived as a trend
  • Public perception
  • Media attention
  • Broader audience
  • Social media following
  • Relatable to the general public
What to do next:
Look at other essays: