Some people think that the support of celebrities for international aid organisations draws attention to their causes, while others think celebrity support makes their causes seem less important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Nowdays
many Correct the word
Nowadays
people
prefer to celebrate for
international Change preposition
apply
eid
and say it is Capitalize word
Eid
signifcant
.Correct your spelling
significant
while
others argue that and no
support.Add a missing verb
have no
Therefore
, in this
essay, I will discuss down
both sides .
First of all, most Change preposition
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
people
believe that Add an article
the people
the
national day is a Change the article
a
significat
event Correct your spelling
significant
to
Change preposition
for
country
. To Add an article
the country
demonstarte
more, each person put Correct your spelling
demonstrate
Correct article usage
a printscreen
printscreen
Correct your spelling
PrintScreen
in
that day .Change preposition
on
For instance
, many of them dancing
and Wrong verb form
dance
singing
in an Wrong verb form
sing
anicent
place .Correct your spelling
ancient
people
feel peace and confident
when they Replace the word
confidence
celebrated
.
On Wrong verb form
celebrate
other
hand, some Correct article usage
the other
individulas
suffer in the Correct your spelling
individuals
celebrate
which Replace the word
celebration
lead
to some causes, Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
firstly
, they do not have any skills or hobbes
. To Correct your spelling
hobbies
details
more, some Correct subject-verb agreement
detail
student
poor from a Fix the agreement mistake
students
pertty
sound to sing .Correct your spelling
pretty
Hence
, they are shy
to shine Rephrase
too shy
in
special Change preposition
on
day
. Fix the agreement mistake
days
Furthermore
, some young can appear happiness
by Replace the word
happy
silent
and Add a missing verb
being silent
let
other Wrong verb form
letting
people
share .
In conclusion, I strongly believe people
should celebrate by
the way who note Change preposition
in
it
Correct your spelling
is
the
right Correct article usage
apply
.some individulas
believe clebrate is Correct your spelling
Some individuals
professional
event Add an article
a professional
while
others blieve
is not Correct your spelling
believe
important
event. Celebrate Add an article
an important
give
a chance to connect with different ages in Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
country
.Add an article
the country
Submitted by lailakhalil3 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic but the response is not complete and lacks depth. Try to provide more comprehensive ideas and detailed arguments. Ensure that you cover both views more equally and address the prompt more precisely.
task achievement
There are several grammatical and vocabulary errors which affect the clarity of the essay. Focus on improving your language accuracy to make your arguments clearer.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a basic logical structure but it could be improved with clearer paragraphs and better transitions between ideas. For example, you can use more linking words and phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one point to another.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the points to be discussed and your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points while giving your final opinion.
task achievement
The essay shows a good attempt at addressing and discussing both views regarding the topic.
task achievement
You have used some relevant examples to support your arguments, which is good practice.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of having an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion is good. Keep working on organizing and developing your ideas within this structure.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.