Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to become successful career. While others believe that it is better to get a job staight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
University
or college
enrollment could be the ideal pathway for people to pursue their brilliant life, that believe
Replace the word
belief
influenced
by the faith that the more education you get the more opportunity you could gain. Add a missing verb
is influenced
On the contrary
, others also
agree that having a job after high school’s
graduation is a better path to obtain more career experience. Change noun form
school
Therefore
, this
essay would
discuss both Wrong verb form
will
view
.
Studying in Change to a plural noun
views
university
or college
could become a media
that would introduce the young generation Fix the agreement mistake
medium
about
working life. Change preposition
to
University
or college
offer
the Change the verb form
offers
student
to learn the useful soft skills needed, such
as leadership, teamwork, communication, and many others. The student
will experience these in classroom
or in Add an article
the classroom
a classroom
organization
Add an article
an organization
the organization
which
they registered. Change preposition
in which
Moreover
, during university
or college
years, students likely have mentors who will guide them along
the years. The professors, Change preposition
through
university
/college
staffs
, and seniors are expected to lead a positive pathway for the Fix the agreement mistake
staff
student
if they Fix the agreement mistake
students
were
feeling lost. Wrong verb form
are
This
make
the years of learning about Change the verb form
makes
worklife
in Correct your spelling
work life
work-life
university
more inspiring and less horrifying.
Add an article
the university
Whereas
, people who tend to get hired straight after school’s
graduation would experience their Change noun form
school
worklife
Correct your spelling
work
fristhand
, without introduction. Correct your spelling
firsthand
The employers
Correct article usage
Employers
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
in
will demand them to quickly adapt to Change preposition
apply
work
environment and learn many Add an article
the work
softskills
as soon as possible. Correct your spelling
skills
Depend
Wrong verb form
Depending
to
each person, the phase of learning time will be different, Change preposition
on
hence
it is the
matter of Correct article usage
a
surviving
. Replace the word
survival
Although
, these people could get a mentor also
–more like a work adviser. Usually
their direct supervisor or their senior colleague would gladly do so. Add a comma
Usually,
Nevertheless
, this
does
not guaranteed by the company Verb problem
is
due to
adviser
responsibility only administered Correct article usage
the adviser
for
Change preposition
to
human
resource party. Correct article usage
the human
Consequently
, working right after school would be more challenging and isolated.
In spite of that, nor
choosing to become Correct word choice
apply
university
Correct article usage
a university
student
or directly hired for job
after school could assure success path. It is true that Correct article usage
a job
dive
directly into the Wrong verb form
diving
worklife
after school could be petrifying, but the value along the way could be more meaningful to learn. The same with studying Correct your spelling
work life
work-life
in
Change preposition
at
university
, the path of learning would be more
slower compared to learning directly Change the word
apply
among
under Change preposition
apply
corporation
. Correct article usage
a corporation
However
success would rely
on one character, how Wrong verb form
relies
oneself
responds Correct pronoun usage
one
whatever
Change preposition
to whatever
happen
around them and always striving to develop their skills. There Change the verb form
happens
are
no wrong or right in both ways, even Correct subject-verb agreement
is
so
persistent effort and never Add the comma(s)
so,
give
up faith would lead to success.Wrong verb form
giving
Submitted by annisaseptidwiyanti on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views and provides a personal stance as requested. To improve, provide more specific examples to support your arguments. For example, mention particular fields where a university degree is crucial or jobs where practical experience is more valued.
coherence cohesion
Ensure grammatical accuracy and clarity in sentence construction. There are some linguistic errors and awkward phrasings that can obscure meaning. For instance, 'this does not guaranteed' should be 'this is not guaranteed,' and 'the employers they in' should be corrected to 'their employers.'
coherence cohesion
Improve the transitions between sentences and paragraphs for smoother reading flow. Some parts feel disjointed, such as the abrupt shift from discussing university experiences to immediate employment experiences. Using transition words and phrases like 'on the other hand,' 'moreover,' and 'consequently' can help maintain the flow.
task achievement
You have made a clear effort to compare both viewpoints objectively before giving your own opinion, which is a strong way to demonstrate balanced argumentation.
task achievement
You include a conclusion that ties together your discussion and presents a nuanced view, acknowledging that both pathways depend on individual effort and personal characteristics.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are appropriately included and framed, helping to give the essay a structured feel.
Include an introduction and conclusion
A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.
The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.
The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:
- Summary
- Restatement of thesis
- Prediction or recommendation
Example:
To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.
Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:
- In conclusion
- To conclude
- To summarize
- Finally
- In a nutshell
- In general
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!