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Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to become successful career. While others believe that it is better to get a job staight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #university #college #route #career #job #staight #school
University
 or
college
 enrollment could be the ideal pathway for people to pursue their brilliant life, that
believe
Replace the word
belief
show examples
influenced
Add a missing verb
is influenced
show examples
 by the faith that the more education you get the more opportunity you could gain.
On the contrary
, others
also
 agree that having a job after high
school’s
Change noun form
school
show examples
 graduation is a better path to obtain more career experience.
Therefore
,
this
 essay
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 discuss both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
. Studying in
university
 or
college
 could become a
media
Fix the agreement mistake
medium
show examples
 that would introduce the young generation
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 working life.
University
 or
college
offer
Change the verb form
offers
show examples
 the
student
 to learn the useful soft skills needed,
such
 as leadership, teamwork, communication, and many others. The
student
 will experience these in
classroom
Add an article
the classroom
a classroom
show examples
 or in
organization
Add an article
an organization
the organization
show examples
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 they registered.
Moreover
, during
university
 or
college
 years, students likely have mentors who will guide them
along
Change preposition
through
show examples
 the years. The professors,
university
/
college
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
, and seniors are expected to lead a positive pathway for the
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 if they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 feeling lost.
This
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 the years of learning about
worklife
Correct your spelling
work life
work-life
 in
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
 more inspiring and less horrifying.
Whereas
, people who tend to get hired straight after
school’s
Change noun form
school
show examples
 graduation would experience their
worklife
Correct your spelling
work
fristhand
Correct your spelling
firsthand
, without introduction.
The employers
Correct article usage
Employers
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
will demand them to quickly adapt to
work
Add an article
the work
show examples
 environment and learn many
softskills
Correct your spelling
skills
 as soon as possible.
Depend
Wrong verb form
Depending
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 each person, the phase of learning time will be different,
hence
 it is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 matter of
surviving
Replace the word
survival
show examples
.
Although
, these people could get a mentor
also
–more like a work adviser.
Usually
Add a comma
Usually,
show examples
 their direct supervisor or their senior colleague would gladly do so.
Nevertheless
,
this
does
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not guaranteed by the company
due to
adviser
Correct article usage
the adviser
show examples
 responsibility only administered
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
human
Correct article usage
the human
show examples
 resource party.
Consequently
, working right after school would be more challenging and isolated. In spite of that,
nor
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
choosing to become
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
student
 or directly hired for
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 after school could assure success path. It is true that
dive
Wrong verb form
diving
show examples
 directly into the
worklife
Correct your spelling
work life
work-life
 after school could be petrifying, but the value along the way could be more meaningful to learn. The same with studying
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
university
, the path of learning would be
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
slower compared to learning directly
among
Change preposition
apply
show examples
under
corporation
Correct article usage
a corporation
show examples
.
However
 success
would rely
Wrong verb form
relies
show examples
 on one character, how
oneself
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
 responds
whatever
Change preposition
to whatever
show examples
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
 around them and always striving to develop their skills. There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 no wrong or right in both ways, even
so
Add the comma(s)
so,
show examples
 persistent effort and never
give
Wrong verb form
giving
show examples
 up faith would lead to success.
Submitted by annisaseptidwiyanti on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses both views and provides a personal stance as requested. To improve, provide more specific examples to support your arguments. For example, mention particular fields where a university degree is crucial or jobs where practical experience is more valued.
coherence cohesion
Ensure grammatical accuracy and clarity in sentence construction. There are some linguistic errors and awkward phrasings that can obscure meaning. For instance, 'this does not guaranteed' should be 'this is not guaranteed,' and 'the employers they in' should be corrected to 'their employers.'
coherence cohesion
Improve the transitions between sentences and paragraphs for smoother reading flow. Some parts feel disjointed, such as the abrupt shift from discussing university experiences to immediate employment experiences. Using transition words and phrases like 'on the other hand,' 'moreover,' and 'consequently' can help maintain the flow.
task achievement
You have made a clear effort to compare both viewpoints objectively before giving your own opinion, which is a strong way to demonstrate balanced argumentation.
task achievement
You include a conclusion that ties together your discussion and presents a nuanced view, acknowledging that both pathways depend on individual effort and personal characteristics.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are appropriately included and framed, helping to give the essay a structured feel.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • specialized knowledge
  • professional fields
  • networking opportunities
  • career path
  • practical experience
  • financial pressures
  • economic independence
  • early work experience
  • apprenticeships
  • vocational training
  • hands-on skills
What to do next:
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