In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you thinks some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

Nowadays, it is undeniable that electronic payments have spread not only in in-store shopping
mall
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malls
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,
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apply
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but
also
small
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in small
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markets and stalls. There is no need for individuals to carry
heavy
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a heavy
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and big
wallet
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wallets
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with
cash
in
it
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them
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, as many places improvised
the
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apply
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cashless payments. I agree that we can lessen the amount of
cash
we use daily for any purchases. In my opinion, all
cash
uses
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use
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in making purchases will diminish one day and
replace
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be replaced
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with
card
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cards
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or
using
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apply
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phones. The advantage of it is that we can adapt to new technology
advancement
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advancements
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with just a swipe of the card. The amount of
note
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notes
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produced in the central bank will
also
reduce
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be reduced
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and
this
will save the environment by
lessen
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lessening
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the number of trees used to make money. Other than that, by using online platforms, it will be easier to make worldwide online transactions
such
as online shopping and trading.
However
, some people might protest and still use
cash
payment
such
as
elderly
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the elderly
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or people
that
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who
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live in rural areas.
This
is
due to
lack
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a lack
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of technology knowledge as they might be scared of making mistakes
while
doing the online settlement or getting tricked by scammers.
Moreover
, a certain amount of individuals still believe that
cash
have
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has
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value
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a value
the value
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of money compared to some numbers in
online
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an online
the online
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bank
account
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accounts
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, making them still
using
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use
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cash
as
main
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their main
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payment
tools
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tool
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. In conclusion, we need to move at the same pace as the growth of our technology devices. These issues can be prevented by teaching people the right way
of using
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to use
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the platform or by creating
the
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apply
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applications
simpler
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apply
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to get a better and faster understanding.
Submitted by izziannblh on

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task achievement
Improve the clarity and sophistication of ideas. For example, further elaborate on how reducing cash usage will benefit the environment and give more concrete examples.
task achievement
Ensure all points are well-developed and provide specific examples to illustrate these points. This makes your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Improve the organization of ideas to enhance the flow of the essay. Ensuring smooth transitions between sentences and paragraphs will help your essay read more naturally.
coherence cohesion
Maintain consistency in verb tenses and improve grammar to ensure clear expression. For example, 'improvised' should be 'adopted,' and 'lessen' should be 'reduce.'
task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the question and covers major aspects of the topic, including potential objections.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are well-presented, giving the essay a clear structure.
coherence cohesion
The main points are logically organized and connected, making the essay easy to follow.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • digital payments
  • convenient
  • efficiency
  • reduce crime
  • tangibility
  • privacy
  • limited access to technology
  • job losses
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