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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph below shows consumers' average annual expenditure on cell phone, national and international fixed-line and services in America between 2001 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows consumers' average annual expenditure on cell phone, national and international fixed-line and services in America between 2001 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#consumers #expenditure #cell #phone #fixed-line #services #america #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line illustrates customers’ average annual spend on smartphones, national and international
fixed-line
Use synonyms
 and
services
Use synonyms
 in America over a period of 9 years.
It is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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Cell
Use synonyms
phone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 increased between 2001 and 2009.
By
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
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 National
fixed-line
Use synonyms
 saw decreasing amount of spending.The international
fixed-line
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 remained relatively stable.
According to
Linking Words
 the graph,
Cell
Use synonyms
phone
Use synonyms
 service started at 200$
kept
Correct word choice
and kept
show examples
this
Linking Words
 growth trend by 2002 surpassed international
fixed-line
Use synonyms
 in 2006 maintained increasing exceed from National fixed line by 2010 reached over 700
USD
Use synonyms
Conversely
Linking Words
, National
fixed-line
Use synonyms
 service was the main expenditure for users which was 700
USD
Use synonyms
, but it ended at 400
USD
Use synonyms
 in 2010. The mean annual spending of international
fixed-line
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 was half that of
cell
Use synonyms
phone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 and remained at 300
USD
Use synonyms
 for the rest of the period. In 2006, both
cell
Use synonyms
phone
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 and national
fixed-line
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 had the same amount of expense at 500
USD
Use synonyms
. International
fixed-line
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 saw only a small rise to approximately 330
USD
Use synonyms
 by 2003,
then
Linking Words
 dropped to 300
USD
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by roozbehkh88 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words fixed-line, services, cell, phone, usd with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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