In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work . some people regard this as completely wrong , while others consider it valuable work experience , important for learning and taking responsibility . What are your opinion on this ?
Firstly
, the job is an essential thing in our Linking Words
life
for all ages. In each year of a human Use synonyms
being
there are features to determine his Add a comma
being,
life
and make his personality. In my opinion, I am against the phenomenon of child Use synonyms
labor
because initial education creates successful generations and makes developing nations.
I believe that all Change the spelling
labour
children
should have studied and Use synonyms
complete
their educational level in school. education can improve Wrong verb form
completed
children
's lives and give them more opportunities in future the Developed Use synonyms
countries
concentrate on a learning system Use synonyms
instead
of careers Linking Words
for instance
, after the world wars the initial services that governments focused on they built the educational system Linking Words
such
as schools and universities to let the Linking Words
children
and youths don’t miss themselves. Use synonyms
Moreover
, the experience that Linking Words
children
learn from school can reflect their future careers. Use synonyms
Consequently
, A lot of Linking Words
countries
prevent Use synonyms
children
under 18 ages from working and if they find any of these cases, the government punishes the firm.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, some families are sending their Linking Words
children
to Use synonyms
work
to gain money and help them in difficult Use synonyms
life
conditions. A career is a basic thing in Use synonyms
life
but not the childhood period. Use synonyms
For example
, poor Linking Words
countries
depend on Use synonyms
children
to Use synonyms
work
they don’t cognitively which destroys the generations. Use synonyms
Thus
, if only the government Linking Words
endeavored
to strive to protect Change the spelling
endeavoured
children
to Use synonyms
work
and commit the families to Use synonyms
enroll
their Change the spelling
enrol
children
to study by encouraging them with presents after finishing the classrooms.
Use synonyms
To sum up
, all Linking Words
countries
must focus on the child generations and create opportunities for them to study Use synonyms
instead
of Linking Words
work
.Use synonyms
Submitted by ahmedom3991 on
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task achievement
Try to provide more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and engaging.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more clearly. While you have an introduction and a conclusion, the flow of ideas in the body paragraphs could be improved. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas better.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which provides a clear direction for your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
You have included a conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points.