IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work . some people regard this as completely wrong , while others consider it valuable work experience , important for learning and taking responsibility . What are your opinion on this ?

Firstly
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, the job is an essential thing in our
life
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 for all ages. In each year of a human
being
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being,
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 there are features to determine his
life
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 and make his personality. In my opinion, I am against the phenomenon of child
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 because initial education creates successful generations and makes developing nations. I believe that all
children
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 should have studied and
complete
Wrong verb form
completed
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 their educational level in school. education can improve
children
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's lives and give them more opportunities in future the Developed
countries
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 concentrate on a learning system
instead
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 of careers
for instance
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, after the world wars the initial services that governments focused on they built the educational system
such
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 as schools and universities to let the
children
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 and youths don’t miss themselves.
Moreover
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, the experience that
children
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 learn from school can reflect their future careers.
Consequently
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, A lot of
countries
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 prevent
children
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 under 18 ages from working and if they find any of these cases, the government punishes the firm.
On the other hand
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, some families are sending their
children
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 to
work
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 to gain money and help them in difficult
life
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 conditions. A career is a basic thing in
life
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 but not the childhood period.
For example
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, poor
countries
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 depend on
children
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 to
work
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 they don’t cognitively which destroys the generations.
Thus
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, if only the government
endeavored
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endeavoured
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 to strive to protect
children
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 to
work
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 and commit the families to
enroll
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enrol
show examples
 their
children
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 to study by encouraging them with presents after finishing the classrooms.
To sum up
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, all
countries
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 must focus on the child generations and create opportunities for them to study
instead
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 of
work
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.

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task achievement
Try to provide more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and engaging.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more clearly. While you have an introduction and a conclusion, the flow of ideas in the body paragraphs could be improved. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas better.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which provides a clear direction for your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
You have included a conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child labor
  • Exploitation
  • Minimum age
  • Work experience
  • Survival
  • Taking responsibility
  • Education
  • Poverty
  • Legal restrictions
  • Physical toll
  • Psychological impact
  • Cultural perceptions
  • International conventions
  • Economic impact
  • Work-study programs
  • Skilled labor
  • Unskilled labor
  • Developing economies
  • Moral implications
  • Professional development
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