In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work . some people regard this as completely wrong , while others consider it valuable work experience , important for learning and taking responsibility . What are your opinion on this ?
Firstly
, the job is an essential thing in our life
for all ages. In each year of a human being
there are features to determine his Add a comma
being,
life
and make his personality. In my opinion, I am against the phenomenon of child labor
because initial education creates successful generations and makes developing nations.
I believe that all Change the spelling
labour
children
should have studied and complete
their educational level in school. education can improve Wrong verb form
completed
children
's lives and give them more opportunities in future the Developed countries
concentrate on a learning system instead
of careers for instance
, after the world wars the initial services that governments focused on they built the educational system such
as schools and universities to let the children
and youths don’t miss themselves. Moreover
, the experience that children
learn from school can reflect their future careers. Consequently
, A lot of countries
prevent children
under 18 ages from working and if they find any of these cases, the government punishes the firm.
On the other hand
, some families are sending their children
to work
to gain money and help them in difficult life
conditions. A career is a basic thing in life
but not the childhood period. For example
, poor countries
depend on children
to work
they don’t cognitively which destroys the generations. Thus
, if only the government endeavored
to strive to protect Change the spelling
endeavoured
children
to work
and commit the families to enroll
their Change the spelling
enrol
children
to study by encouraging them with presents after finishing the classrooms.
To sum up
, all countries
must focus on the child generations and create opportunities for them to study instead
of work
.Submitted by ahmedom3991 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Try to provide more detailed and specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and engaging.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay more clearly. While you have an introduction and a conclusion, the flow of ideas in the body paragraphs could be improved. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas better.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which provides a clear direction for your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
You have included a conclusion that effectively summarizes your main points.