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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart showed the percentage of school children learning to play four different musical instruments (violin, guitar, piano, drums) in 3 years 2005, 2010, 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart showed the percentage of school children learning to play four different musical instruments (violin, guitar, piano, drums) in 3 years 2005, 2010, 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The presented bar chart illustrates ratios of four different musical instruments which are Vialine,
Guitar
Use synonyms
,
Piano
Use synonyms
 and
Drums
Use synonyms
 used by a particular school
pupils
Fix the agreement mistake
pupil
show examples
 during 2005, 2010 and 2015.
It is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
preference
Correct article usage
the preference
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Piano
Use synonyms
 and
Guitar
Use synonyms
 has been gradually increasing during the mentioned years
while
Linking Words
consent
Add an article
the consent
show examples
 of being mature in
Drums
Use synonyms
 has
sightly
Correct your spelling
slightly
show examples
 declined. Looking at the bar chart in more detail, we can see, In
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 decade, the
Piano
Use synonyms
 is the famous practice item in the particular school. By comparing the latest year, The tendency has changed to
Guitar
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
 to that, all the instruments utilization
shown
Add a missing verb
is shown
show examples
 as
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
while
Linking Words
 despite the minor consent of
Drums
Use synonyms
 practice.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 2015,
Piano
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
Drums
Add the possessive form
Drums's
Drum's
show examples
 studies
has been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rapidly climbed by recording 40% and
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 two instruments
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reported
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
 rate which almost 10%. It needs to be highlighted that over the
last
Linking Words
years
Correct quantifier usage
few years
show examples
, the
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 preference
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
Piano
Use synonyms
 and
Guitar
Use synonyms
 has remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
besides
Linking Words
 excluding minor changes.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words guitar, piano, drums with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentages
  • instruments
  • musical
  • trend
  • popularity
  • proportion
  • significantly
  • fluctuation
  • comparison
  • increase
  • decrease
  • evolution
  • decline
  • consistent
  • notable
  • ranking
  • statistical
  • learners
  • paraphrase
  • bar chart
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