Many parents complain that computer games have no value to their children’s study. On the contrary those online games have produced a lot of negative effects on their mental and physical development . What is your opinion
Nowadays, there are a number of parents
Correct pronoun usage
who argues
argues
that Correct subject-verb agreement
argue
computer
games
do not give
an impact Verb problem
have
to
academic success. The rest of Change preposition
on
people
believe online Correct article usage
the people
games
lead several
Change preposition
to several
demerit
Change the noun form
demerits
such
as mental ilness
and physical appearance. In my perspective, Correct your spelling
illness
computer
games
is
dangerous for Change the verb form
are
children
since it
have an addiction effect.
On the one hand, parents believe that Correct pronoun usage
they
children
get plenty of new insight from educational games
. It will increase problem solving
skills and creativity which will Add a hyphen
problem-solving
positive
impact to child's cognitive development. Educational Change the adjective
positively
games
provide several problem
or Fix the agreement mistake
problems
puzzle
that lead Fix the agreement mistake
puzzles
childrens
to think Correct your spelling
children
how
to solve Change preposition
about how
it
. Correct pronoun usage
them
For example
, adventure games
gives
Change the verb form
give
advanture
activities. Correct your spelling
advantage
Moreover
, it contains several field
Change to a plural noun
fields
such
us
math and language Correct your spelling
as
task
which makes Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
children
not only having
fun but Wrong verb form
have
also
learning
something new. Wrong verb form
learn
Additionally
, children
can rise
their creativity through paint Correct your spelling
raise
games
which can lead cognitive
development.
Change preposition
to cognitive
On the other hand
, computer
games
cause an adiction
effect which Correct your spelling
addiction
bring
several Change the verb form
brings
demerit
not only body but Change to a plural noun
demerits
also
soul. Research by compass
, the biggest newspaper in Indonesia, said gaming can affect mental Capitalize word
Compass
ilness
and Correct your spelling
illness
physicall
health. The prior reason Correct your spelling
physical
make
Change the verb form
makes
children
easier becoming
Wrong verb form
become
anxiety
which child become easily angry and lazy. Replace the word
anxious
For instance
, a boy who spend
over than ten hours playing PUBG, Change the verb form
spends
furthermore
he will angry when he become
a loser. The Change the verb form
becomes
later
Correct your spelling
latter
make
several diseases Verb problem
cause
such
as obesity since they have a
little movement andCorrect article usage
apply
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
a
poor posture. People who always sit Correct article usage
apply
on
the wrong position, Change preposition
in
subsequently
their position lead a
skoliosis or lordosis posture.
In my opinion, online Change preposition
to a
games
has
plenty of Change the verb form
have
demerit
since addiction Change to a plural noun
demerits
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
several
diseases not only Change preposition
to several
physicall
but Correct your spelling
physical
physically
also
mental.
In conclusion, computer
educational game
increase Fix the agreement mistake
games
knowledge
and Correct article usage
the knowledge
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
children
Change preposition
of children
such
as problem solving
and creativity. The rest of Add a hyphen
problem-solving
Correct article usage
the view
view
prove that online Fix the agreement mistake
views
games
makes
Verb problem
cause
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
for
physical Change preposition
with
such
as poor posture and mental ilness
Correct your spelling
illnesses
such
as anxiety.Submitted by firmansyahafandy99 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure to avoid repetition and ensure clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to subject-verb agreement to enhance grammatical accuracy.
Task Achievement
Incorporate more detailed examples and statistics to strengthen arguments.
Task Achievement
Provide a more balanced view by discussing both benefits and drawbacks in greater detail.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and a well-structured conclusion, summarizing the main points effectively.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses the main topic and supports it with relevant examples, demonstrating a good understanding of the subject.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example