Part 1. The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instrument in 2005, 2010 and 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The chart illustrates the percentage of students who play

piano

guitar

drums

, and

violin

in 2005, 2010, and 2015.

Overall

, the

amount

of students learning musical instruments has increased from 2005 to 2015, except

violin

Change preposition

for violin

show examples

. In 2005, only approximately 5 to 10% of school

childrens

Correct your spelling

children

show examples

who learn to play

piano

guitar

drums

, and

violin

. On that note,

drums

were the least favourite instrument to learn for kids. Five years later in 2010,

piano

Correct article usage

the piano

show examples

and

guitar

learners

amount

are skyrocketed to around 20%,

in contrast

with

violin

players

that

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

decreased slightly to under 10%,

nevertheless

drums

players number

are stayed

Change to the active voice

stay

have stayed

show examples

the same at 5%. In 2015, the number of pianists and guitarists

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

peaked

Change preposition

show examples

roughly 40%,

made

Change the form of the verb

making

show examples

them into the most favourite instruments to play. Drummers

amount

are

also

rose to just around 10%.

However

violin

players

are continuous

Verb problem

continue

show examples

to shrink to only 5% in 2015. In conclusion, the charts

shows

Change the verb form

show

show examples

the

amount

of school kids who learn four different types of instruments in three different years.

Piano

and

guitar

learners

has

Change the verb form

have

show examples

continuously surged over 15 years,

while

violin

showed

the

Correct article usage

show examples

declining trend.

Submitted by annisaseptidwiyanti on Fri Aug 02 2024

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Vocabulary: Replace the words piano, guitar, drums, violin, amount with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.

▼

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

3 paragraphs

183 words

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Part 1. The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instrument in 2005, 2010 and 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Many governments think that economic progress is the most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Some people think that success in life comes from ard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Dicuss both views and give your opinion

Some people argue that if children behave badly, their parents should accept responsibility and also be punished for the behavior of their children. Do you agree or disagree with the statement?

There is an increase in the number of parents choosing educate their children themselves at home instead of sending them to schools. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?