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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Part 1. The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instrument in 2005, 2010 and 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Part 1. The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instrument in 2005, 2010 and 2015. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The chart illustrates the percentage of students who play
piano
Use synonyms
,
guitar
Use synonyms
,
drums
Use synonyms
, and
violin
Use synonyms
 in 2005, 2010, and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
amount
Use synonyms
 of students learning musical instruments has increased from 2005 to 2015, except
Use synonyms
violin
Change preposition
for violin
show examples
. In 2005, only approximately 5 to 10% of school
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 who learn to play
piano
Use synonyms
,
guitar
Use synonyms
,
drums
Use synonyms
, and
violin
Use synonyms
. On that note,
drums
Use synonyms
 were the least favourite instrument to learn for kids. Five years later in 2010,
Use synonyms
piano
Correct article usage
the piano
show examples
 and
guitar
Use synonyms
 learners
amount
Use synonyms
 are skyrocketed to around 20%,
in contrast
Linking Words
 with
violin
Use synonyms
 players
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 decreased slightly to under 10%,
nevertheless
Linking Words
,
drums
Use synonyms
 players number
are stayed
Change to the active voice
stay
have stayed
show examples
 the same at 5%. In 2015, the number of pianists and guitarists
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
peaked
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 roughly 40%,
made
Change the form of the verb
making
show examples
 them into the most favourite instruments to play. Drummers
amount
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
 rose to just around 10%.
However
Linking Words
,
violin
Use synonyms
 players
are continuous
Verb problem
continue
show examples
 to shrink to only 5% in 2015. In conclusion, the charts
shows
Change the verb form
show
show examples
 the
amount
Use synonyms
 of school kids who learn four different types of instruments in three different years.
Piano
Use synonyms
 and
guitar
Use synonyms
 learners
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 continuously surged over 15 years,
while
Linking Words
violin
Use synonyms
 showed
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 declining trend.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words piano, guitar, drums, violin, amount with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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