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Band 4.5

The line chart details participants according to activity at a social center in the Australian city of Melbourne from 2000 to 2020

#line #participants #activity #center #australian #city #melbourne
The line graph illustrates the participation trends at a social centre in Melbourne Australia, from the years 2000 and 2020.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 a chart includes some types of activities
such
 as film club, martial arts, amateur dramatics, table tennis and musical performances. It can be seen that in 2000 film club participation steadily increased from 2000 to 2005, reaching approximately two-thirds of the total participants.
This
 trend continued with a slight increase between 2005 and 2010. In terms of, martial arts had declined slightly reaching a low 31 participants over a five-year period. From 2005 to 2010 there was a gradual rise of 38 attendants. In the year 2010, attendants started at 38 and there was a decline of around less than a two-fifth. When it comes to table tennis had a drastic increase the rate was more than half over a one in ten period.
Furthermore
, there was a slight increase approximately more than a quarter. But, after some fluctuations, attendants in 2005 reached their peak of more than a quarter. A rise of half since
beginning
Add an article
the beginning
show examples
 of the year
also
, no decline was experienced in
this
 period.
Submitted by chartakinnovation on

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task achievement
Your essay covers the main trends presented in the line chart, which is good. However, some parts are unclear, and important details are either missing or vaguely described. Try to provide a clearer summary of the trends.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction but lacks a proper conclusion. Try to summarize the main points and trends at the end of your essay to provide a complete response.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay needs improvement. Some sentences are confusing and do not convey the intended information effectively. Work on organizing your ideas more logically.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear overall topic introduction, which sets the stage for the details that follow.
relevant specific examples
You mentioned specific data points, which strengthen your response by providing relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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