IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You are soon going to spend three months doing work expericne in an organisation

#three #months #work #expericne #organisation
Dear Sir,
Firstly
, I would like to say how appreciate the opportunity to do
this
work
. I hope to learn new strategies which I can use with my
work
 experience. I would like to provide you the
work
 experience which can be positive for the organisation.
Firstly
, I have a lot of experience from my
last
 job, where I have been worked
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
hotel
Correct article usage
a hotel
show examples
 manager and I have been managed 10 employees. I think that I can offer very strong organisation skills, I love teamwork.
Secondly
, I am a friendly person.
Thirdly
, I am young and don´t have children and I can
work
 more flexibly. I am so excited to
work
 with you. Kind regards Andrea Kroupova
Submitted by andrea.kroupova on

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task achievement
Your letter opens with a general appreciation, but it could be strengthened by specifying what exactly you are appreciative of. For example, you could say: 'Firstly, I would like to express how much I appreciate the opportunity to gain practical experience with your esteemed organization.'
task achievement
You mention your past experience and specific skills, which is great. However, it would enhance your response if you could give specific examples of situations where you demonstrated these skills. For instance, you could elaborate on how you managed the 10 employees and what outcomes were achieved as a result of your management.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure and flows well, but using linking words or phrases to connect ideas more smoothly would improve cohesion. Words like 'Moreover', 'In addition', and 'Furthermore' could be useful.
task achievement
You clearly state your enthusiasm and appreciation for the opportunity, which sets a positive tone.
task achievement
You have included specific details about your previous job experience and your skills, which is relevant and helpful to the reader.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear, with an introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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