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Band 5.5

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #university #students #study #subjects #future #science #technology
Some would argue that it is important to allow students to study
subjects
 which they want in university. Others tend to think that they should study only those
subjects
 that
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 them opportunities in the
future
,
such
 as
science
 and technology. Despite the fact that these useful
subjects
 give alumni a lot of
path
Change to a plural noun
paths
show examples
 to create their own
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 with appropriate
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
, I believe that every field is vital so universities should allow them to choose. On the one hand, without any doubt,
science
 and technology play a crucial role in the near
future
 so when it comes to
choose
Change the verb form
choosing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
subjects
 in university, people frequently give their preferences to these
subjects
. It gives them peacefulness and
relax
Replace the word
relaxation
show examples
 as they aware that in the
future
 they will not become
unemployment
Replace the word
unemployed
show examples
.
In addition
, wages in those works are higher than in other jobs thereby it attracts many adolescents to immerse in
such
 fields.
However
, I do not think that
due to
 those
facts
Add a comma
facts,
show examples
 students should be limited
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 only one field
On the other hand
, not everyone has a passion for
science
 as it might cause boredom or they may simply not be strong
it
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
 the precise
science
. It is important to respect their choice and preferences because if they
will be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 forced to study
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
subjects
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 they do not love, they will not be satisfied and it will lead to unhappiness in the
future
.
Moreover
, every person has his/her own strengths and weaknesses so someone has ability in exact
science
whereas
 others struggle with them but
good
Add a missing verb
are good
show examples
 at music, literature, sports etc. I reckon that every work is something worthwhile.
To conclude
,
although
 knowledge of
subjects
 related to
science
 and technology
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 people to be less afraid of losing
Correct pronoun usage
their job
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in the
future
, people should be allowed to choose whatever they like because all professions are important.
Submitted by daulet93mail.ru on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your main points as this would make your argument more compelling. For instance, you could mention particular careers or success stories in non-science fields.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to ensure more clarity and readability. Some sentences can be made shorter or split for better understanding.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which accurately summarize the main arguments.
complete response
You've successfully acknowledged both perspectives and provided your opinion, which is essential for a balanced argument.
logical structure
The logical structure of the essay is good, with distinct paragraphs for each main point which makes it easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • engagement
  • excel
  • innovative contributions
  • diversity in research
  • well-rounded education
  • broad perspectives
  • critical thinking skills
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • forced academic paths
  • job-ready
  • skills shortages
  • tech-driven economy
  • employment rates
  • changing job market
  • utilitarian subjects
  • aptitudes
  • wasting talent
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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