People doing dangerous sport activities like scuba driving and bungee jumping should be responsible for their own life and rescue workers should not risk their lives to save people doing those sports. Do you agree or disagree?
Some individuals tend to do hazardous sports,
such
as bungee jumping and scuba driving
. It is necessary to consider that Correct your spelling
diving
these participant
should be responsible for their own lives and lifeguards Change the determiner
this participant
these participants
are
not take Verb problem
should
risk
to save them. I strongly disagree with Fix the agreement mistake
risks
this
point of view. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall elaborate on the reasons and discuss my opinion more.
Firstly
, it is obvious that if we do threatening activities, such
as paragliding, we have to hire expert
coach as a professional guard in terms of safety responsibility. Add an article
an expert
Secondly
, it is crucial to know how we can manage risky situations. So, it would be a great idea if we encountered with
these circumstances with well-trained Change preposition
apply
rescuer
Fix the agreement mistake
rescuers
due to
avoiding
uncontrollable conditions. Wrong verb form
avoid
For example
, in the USA, it is vital that if you have a plan for adventurous activities, you have to employ a professional guide since it will monitor risky actions.
On the other hand
, critics assume that we have to save our lives without paying attention to others. However
, I totally disagree with this
idea. It is essential to focus on how we will be able to improve security level
. Fix the agreement mistake
levels
In other words
, some activities, such
as bungee jumping needs
extra actions as Correct subject-verb agreement
need
it
will guarantee our lives. Correct pronoun usage
they
Thus
, it is undeniable that the lifeguards have an important role in this
matter. For instance
, in India, if you choose to do bungee jumping, you will not responsible
for checking ropes as it is the Add a missing verb
be responsible
rescuer
responsibility.
In conclusion, Change noun form
rescuer's
it is clear that
we need expert individuals who will be able to decrease risks in terms of safety and security. Also
, I strongly disagree that we have to do dangerous sports without lifeguards.Submitted by ali.pazoki72 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the topic and covers various aspects of the discussion. However, there are a few areas where it could be enhanced. For example, making sure that every point made is backed up by specific examples can strengthen the arguments. There are some parts of the text where the ideas presented could benefit from further development and elaboration, which would make the discussion more compelling.
coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence and logical flow, make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Some sentences seem slightly disjointed, and more polished use of linking words could help in achieving better cohesion. Revisiting the structure of some sentences can also aid in clarity and reader comprehension. Additionally, a few grammatical corrections would make the writing even clearer.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion that answer the prompt effectively, which is commendable. The structure is well thought out, and you introduce your perspective clearly at the outset.
logical structure
Your arguments are well-reasoned, and you include various points to support your stance, which demonstrates an understanding of the topic at hand. There is a logical progression of ideas within each paragraph.