People doing dangerous sport activities like scuba driving and bungee jumping should be responsible for their own life and rescue workers should not risk their lives to save people doing those sports. Do you agree or disagree?

Some individuals tend to do hazardous sports,

such

Linking Words

as bungee jumping and scuba

driving

Correct your spelling

diving

show examples

. It is necessary to consider that

these participant

Change the determiner

this participant

these participants

show examples

should be responsible for their own lives and lifeguards

are

Verb problem

should

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not take

risk

Fix the agreement mistake

risks

show examples

to save them. I strongly disagree with

this

Linking Words

point of view. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall elaborate on the reasons and discuss my opinion more.

Firstly

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, it is obvious that if we do threatening activities,

such

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as paragliding, we have to hire

expert

Add an article

an expert

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coach as a professional guard in terms of safety responsibility.

Secondly

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, it is crucial to know how we can manage risky situations. So, it would be a great idea if we encountered

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

these circumstances with well-trained

rescuer

Fix the agreement mistake

rescuers

show examples

due to

Linking Words

avoiding

Wrong verb form

avoid

show examples

uncontrollable conditions.

For example

Linking Words

, in the USA, it is vital that if you have a plan for adventurous activities, you have to employ a professional guide since it will monitor risky actions.

On the other hand

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, critics assume that we have to save our lives without paying attention to others.

However

Linking Words

, I totally disagree with

this

Linking Words

idea. It is essential to focus on how we will be able to improve security

level

Fix the agreement mistake

levels

show examples

In other words

Linking Words

, some activities,

such

Linking Words

as bungee jumping

needs

Correct subject-verb agreement

need

show examples

extra actions as

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

will guarantee our lives.

Thus

Linking Words

, it is undeniable that the lifeguards have an important role in

this

Linking Words

matter.

For instance

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, in India, if you choose to do bungee jumping, you will not

responsible

Add a missing verb

be responsible

show examples

for checking ropes as it is the

rescuer

Change noun form

rescuer's

show examples

responsibility. In conclusion,

it is clear that

Linking Words

we need expert individuals who will be able to decrease risks in terms of safety and security.

Also

Linking Words

, I strongly disagree that we have to do dangerous sports without lifeguards.

ali.pazoki72

Aug 3, 2024

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task achievement

The essay provides a clear response to the topic and covers various aspects of the discussion. However, there are a few areas where it could be enhanced. For example, making sure that every point made is backed up by specific examples can strengthen the arguments. There are some parts of the text where the ideas presented could benefit from further development and elaboration, which would make the discussion more compelling.

coherence cohesion

To improve the coherence and logical flow, make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Some sentences seem slightly disjointed, and more polished use of linking words could help in achieving better cohesion. Revisiting the structure of some sentences can also aid in clarity and reader comprehension. Additionally, a few grammatical corrections would make the writing even clearer.

introduction conclusion present

Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion that answer the prompt effectively, which is commendable. The structure is well thought out, and you introduce your perspective clearly at the outset.

logical structure

Your arguments are well-reasoned, and you include various points to support your stance, which demonstrates an understanding of the topic at hand. There is a logical progression of ideas within each paragraph.

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

284 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

responsibility
dangerous sports
scuba diving
bungee jumping
rescue workers
risk
save lives
priority
regulations
guidelines
safety
education
training
participants

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