In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
In the past, rural
people
used to live in the countryside and rarely moved to cities
. At present, more and more rural people
choose to live in cities
and
Correct word choice
apply
result
in a population decrease Wrong verb form
resulting
on
Change preposition
in
countryside
. In Add an article
the countryside
this
essay, I will argue that this
development
is positive.
First,
with development
of a country, there are more Correct article usage
the development
oppotunities
in Correct your spelling
opportunities
cites
, both professionally and personally. Especially in some big Correct your spelling
cities
cities
, such
as Beijing, Shanghai, and Guangzhou, there both are first-line cities
in China, where people
live can access better education and healthcare services. Also
, as the employment market thrive
in Change the verb form
thrives
cities
, people
can get higher
payment. Particularly, their Add an article
a higher
offsprings
could study at a better school, which Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
are
very important for children's Correct subject-verb agreement
is
developments
. Fix the agreement mistake
development
By contrast
, these communal services and employment market
in the countryside might be less effective. Fix the agreement mistake
markets
Hence
, rural prople
are more willing to live in Correct your spelling
people
cities
.
Second,
more people
living in cities
is beneficial to the development
of cities
. The increase of
population can help Change preposition
in
government
solve Correct article usage
the government
workforce
reduction problem. On the flip side, Correct article usage
the workforce
people
migrate
to Wrong verb form
migrating
cities
can boost many sectors. Take, for example
, population increase can push the manufacturing advancement, and that is
what happening in many Asia cities
. Most importantly, with many sectors Change preposition
of developement
developement
, government have more resources, like financial and political resources, to solve the problems in Correct your spelling
development
cities
Fix the agreement mistake
city
developement
.
In conclusion, nowadays, rural Correct your spelling
development
people
living in the cities
is a positive development
. Because people
can have more oppornities
in careers and private lives. Correct your spelling
opportunities
Also
, Cities
can have benefits
from Wrong verb form
benefit
this
.Submitted by universe.edge on
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task achievement
Consider addressing potential drawbacks of rural-to-urban migration to provide a more balanced view.
task achievement
Make sure to proofread your essay for minor grammar and spelling errors. For instance, 'oppotunities' should be 'opportunities' and 'cites' should be 'cities'.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points. Mentioning specific cities in China illustrates your arguments well.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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