IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In the past, rural
people
Use synonyms
 used to live in the countryside and rarely moved to
cities
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. At present, more and more rural
people
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 choose to live in
cities
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and
Correct word choice
apply
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result
Wrong verb form
resulting
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 in a population decrease
on
Change preposition
in
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countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will argue that
this
Linking Words
development
Use synonyms
 is positive.
First,
Linking Words
with
Use synonyms
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of a country, there are more
oppotunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 in
cites
Correct your spelling
cities
show examples
, both professionally and personally. Especially in some big
cities
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,
such
Linking Words
 as Beijing, Shanghai, and Guangzhou, there both are first-line
cities
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 in China, where
people
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 live can access better education and healthcare services.
Also
Linking Words
, as the employment market
thrive
Change the verb form
thrives
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 in
cities
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,
people
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 can get
higher
Add an article
a higher
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 payment. Particularly, their
offsprings
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offspring
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 could study at a better school, which
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 very important for children's
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
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.
By contrast
Linking Words
, these communal services and employment
market
Fix the agreement mistake
markets
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 in the countryside might be less effective.
Hence
Linking Words
, rural
prople
Correct your spelling
people
 are more willing to live in
cities
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.
Second,
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more
people
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 living in
cities
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 is beneficial to the
development
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 of
cities
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. The increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 population can help
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 solve
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
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 reduction problem. On the flip side,
people
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migrate
Wrong verb form
migrating
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 to
cities
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 can boost many sectors. Take,
for example
Linking Words
, population increase can push the manufacturing advancement, and
that is
Linking Words
 what happening in many Asia
cities
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. Most importantly, with many sectors
Change preposition
of developement
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developement
Correct your spelling
development
, government have more resources, like financial and political resources, to solve the problems in
Use synonyms
cities
Fix the agreement mistake
city
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developement
Correct your spelling
development
. In conclusion, nowadays, rural
people
Use synonyms
 living in the
cities
Use synonyms
 is a positive
development
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. Because
people
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 can have more
oppornities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 in careers and private lives.
Also
Linking Words
,
Cities
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 can
have benefits
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
 from
this
Linking Words
.

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task achievement
Consider addressing potential drawbacks of rural-to-urban migration to provide a more balanced view.
task achievement
Make sure to proofread your essay for minor grammar and spelling errors. For instance, 'oppotunities' should be 'opportunities' and 'cites' should be 'cities'.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points. Mentioning specific cities in China illustrates your arguments well.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
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