IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You share your room with another studer in the college hostel. You find it very difficult to study there because he or She always has parties and friends visiting. write a letter to the hostel warden complaining about your displeasure with the roommate.

#room #studer #college #hostel #study #parties #friends #warden #displeasure #roommate
it is commonly believed, that I am sharing a
room
 with another student.
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
show examples
 I am grateful for sharing a
room
 with another student.
However
, Every time I came back from school
moreover
 I saw my roommate
had
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 parties every day. when I finished classes school
although
 he invited friends from school to come into the
room
 as well it made me annoyed that I could not do my homework and they made a louder sound in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
room
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
makes
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
 me can not rest. I would like to report
about
Change preposition
that
show examples
 my roommate
she
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has not followed the rules. to be sure
Additionally
, I request assistance from the hostel warden it is displeasure for me please you can discontinue the conflict before
this
 colossal issue is humorous and able to control it
also
 Thank you for considering
This
 proposal. I look forward to your feedback. Wishing you a speedy recovery. Best regards
Submitted by chalermchartbsc on

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state the problem and the specific actions you'd like the warden to take. Also, stay consistent with the tone to keep it formal yet polite.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your paragraphs better. Each paragraph should contain one main idea. Use connectors to link your ideas more fluently.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the text flows logically from one part to another. Avoid unnecessary transitions and focus on clarity.
task achievement
You effectively described your issue with the roommate, making it clear why you are dissatisfied.
coherence cohesion
You included a greeting and closing, which gives your letter a proper structure.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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