There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, societies

favor

Change the spelling

favour

show examples

academic success better than

non-academic

Correct pronoun usage

non-academic ones

show examples

As for

Change preposition

For

show examples

that reason,

people

Use synonyms

demand that non-academic related subjects

Correct quantifier usage

such as

show examples

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

physical education, art, and cookery

Fix the infinitive

apply

show examples

be erased from

Correct article usage

the school's

show examples

school's

Change noun form

school

show examples

curriculum.

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss both views. Many communities believe that academic

succeess

Correct your spelling

success

is what

matter

Correct subject-verb agreement

matters

show examples

therefore

Linking Words

, they are pressuring the young generation to

excellent

Add a missing verb

be excellent

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in math,

physic

Fix the agreement mistake

physics

show examples

, biology, and other similar subjects that

required

Wrong verb form

require

show examples

the using of

left

Correct article usage

the left

show examples

brain section. As for the reason

Change preposition

for

show examples

this

Linking Words

, many believed if

people

Use synonyms

succeed in those materials

then

Linking Words

the opportunity of many

kind

Change to a plural noun

kinds

show examples

of jobs will open,

for instance

Linking Words

, office workers, doctors,

accountings

Correct your spelling

accounting

show examples

, and many others. These

line

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lines

show examples

of professions are the most possible options for job seekers

due to

Linking Words

their high demand by corporations.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, by learning non-academic courses

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

will use their right brain which contains creativity, emotional ability, and perception. Creative type of professions

such

Linking Words

artist

Fix the agreement mistake

artists

show examples

model

Fix the agreement mistake

models

show examples

Correct word choice

and athlete

show examples

athlete

Fix the agreement mistake

athletes

show examples

is more

Verb problem

are

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rare

Correct your spelling

rarer

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than the kind of

corporate's

Change noun form

corporate

show examples

occupations.

Thus

Linking Words

, only

people

Use synonyms

which both really hard-working and gifted

that

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

could be successful in

non-academic

Add an article

a non-academic

show examples

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

Hence

Linking Words

, if we talk about the students' development at school, non-academic courses should not cease to exist.

Adult

Fix the agreement mistake

Adults

show examples

must

left

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leave

show examples

all the options open for children to grow, whether they will choose the path of

right brainers

Add a hyphen

right-brainers

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left brainers

Add a hyphen

left-brainers

show examples

Additionally

Linking Words

, non-academic studies

Change the verb form

are

show examples

benefit

Replace the word

beneficial

show examples

for mental and physical health.

For example

Linking Words

, by studying physical

program

Fix the agreement mistake

programs

show examples

, their body will sweat and their mind will be clearer.

Accordingly

Linking Words

, they will be more ready to face another class. In conclusion, it is true that succeeding in academic courses will help

people

Use synonyms

to get an easier successful future,

nevertheless

Linking Words

, the value of learning non-academic programs at school

also

Linking Words

should not be removed. The room for

kids

Change noun form

kids'

kid's

show examples

brain's

Change noun form

brain

show examples

enhancement must always be provided in both ways, academically and non-academically.

annisaseptidwiyantiSun Aug 04 2024

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coherence cohesion

Work on grammar and sentence structure to enhance clarity. Some sentences are overly complex or awkwardly phrased, which can make the essay difficult to follow.

task achievement

Use more specific and varied examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and show a deeper engagement with the topic.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a solid framework for the discussion.

task achievement

The writer addresses both sides of the argument, demonstrating an ability to consider multiple viewpoints, which is essential for a balanced essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
38
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

304 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

pressure
succeed
academically
non-academic
physical education
cookery
school syllabus
concentrate
academic work
well-rounded
enhancement
practical skills
balanced education system

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Your opinion

Robots and artificial intelligence are being developed to replace humans in the work place. why is this hapenning? Do you think this will have a positive or negative impact on society?

Some people suggest that a country should try to produce all the food for its population and import as little food as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Unhealthy eating has a negative effect on both individuals and the society in which they live. Some people think that the government should tax unhealthy foods while others believe that a ‘fat tax’ is unfair and unnecessary

Some cities create extra housing by building tall buildings. Other cities do this by building on wide areas of land. Which do you think is the best solution to the problem of housing?

ome people believe that government spends too much money on space research while there are still a lot of problems on the earth. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.