IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The natural resources such as oil, forests, and fresh water are being consumed an alarming rate. What problems does it cause? How can we solve these problems?

#resources #oil #forests #water #rate
Necessary sources like oil,
forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
show examples
, and clean
water
 run out faster than ever.
Although
this
 tendency may lead to some serious consequences, certain solutions can be applied to tackle the problem. As for oil,
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 supply of oil causes an increase in
overall
 prices which may lead to inflation. It affects almost every stage of
supply
Add an article
the supply
show examples
 chain from transport to delivery. Especially increased fuel prices make transport of the foods that are crucial for daily consumption like cheese, meat, bread and so on more expensive. In regard to forests, demolishing them may even worsen the problem of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ozone layer depletion. Take rainforests as an example, they release oxygen and
release
Verb problem
apply
show examples
carbon,
however
, destruction of them
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
show examples
this
 process. Lack of fresh
water
 is one of the primary problems of the world because many
people
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not access to it. It results in sanitary problems and fatal diseases among
people
 who live in especially in poor
countries
. Despite the abovementioned issues, I firmly believe that some actions can be taken to mitigate the situation.
Firstly
, the governments may invest more in renewable energy sources
such
 as wind, the sun,
water
Correct word choice
and water
show examples
 to ensure we have other means of energy.
Additionally
,
people
 may be encouraged to use electric vehicles rather than older ones by offering them income tax
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
.
Secondly
,
countries
 may raise awareness among
people
 by teaching them
importance
Add an article
the importance
show examples
 of mindful usage of electricity and
water
 via a variety of sources like schools, universities, seminars,
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
, and local communities.
Last
 but not least, affluent
countries
 may support poor
countries
 to purify their
water
 by providing them
tools
Change preposition
with tools
show examples
 like
water
 purifiers. In conclusion, even though we face serious resource
shortage
Fix the agreement mistake
shortages
show examples
, we can provide solutions as long as we are willing to take significant steps to save our world.
Submitted by Dinare Abdullayeva on

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task achievement
To achieve a higher score in Task Response, ensure that each point is further elaborated and discussed comprehensively. Try to add more depth and variety to the examples given.
coherence cohesion
Working on improving sentence transitions and maintaining a smoother flow between ideas can enhance the coherence of the essay. Linking words and phrases can be effectively used to achieve this.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion that framed the essay well and provided a clear sense of direction.
task achievement
Main points were clearly stated and supported with relevant examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • non-renewable resources
  • economic instability
  • water shortages
  • agricultural production
  • deforestation
  • biodiversity
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • global warming
  • sustainable management
  • conservation
  • alternative energy
  • afforestation
  • reforestation
  • water conservation
  • responsible consumption
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