IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Health services are the basic necessity for a person. Private companies have make the health services quite costly for ordinary individuals. Do the advantages of private health care outweigh its disadvantages？

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Health
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 have been significantly developed in comparison with the ancient time. In
this
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 regard, recently, there are various types of clinics
in
Change preposition
apply
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all over the world,
such
Linking Words
 as private hospices of which privatizing is a major issue which has opponents and advocates.
This
Linking Words
 essay will express the benefits and drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon. In terms of the necessity of private hospitals, it is universally accepted that these corporations are able to provide
the
Correct article usage
apply
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state-of-the-art treatments and drugs to ameliorate the process of curing. To put it differently, there are numerous incurable diseases,
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes, AIDS and cancers,
of
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for
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 which treatments have not been discovered so these corporations could expertly ease the process of discovery
through
Change preposition
by
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 investing huge capital and hiring professional experts to acquire profits and
also
Linking Words
 mitigate convalescence.
For example
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, during the Pandemic, these organizations played a critical role in eradicating
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Covid-19 because the required vaccine was discovered by them, namely Fizer, Janson and Janson and
also
Linking Words
 Sinopharm. All of these are private companies which rescued humans. Looking from an opposite perspective, it is criticized that
the
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apply
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private
health
Use synonyms
 companies would deteriorate the social gap among people. A myriad of
services
Use synonyms
 in these types of clinics would take an exorbitant charge even for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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simple surgery. Based on
this
Linking Words
 interpretation, most people cannot attend there
for
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because of
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 their emergency
suffer
Verb problem
apply
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;
consequently
Linking Words
, these clinics become exclusive to the rich.
For example
Linking Words
, prosperous
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 allowed to be admitted
in
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to
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 Ghandi
hotel hospital
Correct your spelling
Hotel Hospital
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,
where
Correct word choice
which
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is located in
upscale
Correct article usage
an upscale
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 district,
Tehran
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of Tehran
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, and ordinary citizens are not able to take their
services
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. It is believed that
this
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 issue is obviously unfair and
regression
Correct article usage
a regression
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 of
human’s
Change noun form
human
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right
Fix the agreement mistake
rights
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. Consideringly, citizens should benefit from equal amenities.
To conclude
Linking Words
, without
doubt
Correct article usage
a doubt
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, utilizing
health
Use synonyms
services
Use synonyms
 is
individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s
show examples
 right. Considering
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint, private
health
Use synonyms
 companies should be compatible with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public ones and aim to enhance the level of hygiene in states.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the conclusion could be expanded slightly to summarise the main points discussed.
task achievement
Ensure that all your main points are consistently supported with clear, relevant examples. While you provided examples for some points, not all arguments were equally well-supported.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, try to improve the logical flow between your sentences and paragraphs by using a greater variety of cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively introduced the topic and outlined the main issues to be discussed in the essay. This helps set a good foundation for your arguments.
task achievement
Your essay includes specific examples, such as the role of private companies during the COVID-19 pandemic, which help illustrate your points effectively.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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