IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people work for the same organisation all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for different organisations. Discuss both these views and giver your own opinion.

Recently,
work
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life
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 has become a hot topic everyone is talking about. A handful of
people
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work
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 all their
life
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 under one company
while
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 others
work
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 under many different companies.
This
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 essay will discuss both of these sides and will state my opinion on it. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, many
people
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 argue that working in the same
buisness
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business
 all their lives can
have
Verb problem
give them
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 a better
chance
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to be
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of being
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 promoted, and it will be easy for them to cope with the
work
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 stress they have. Working in the same job for a long period enhances the
chanced
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chance
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 of a person being promoted.
For example
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, someone who
is
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has been
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 working for the same company for
a
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apply
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12 years will have a better
chance
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to be
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of being
show examples
 promoted than someone who
is
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has been
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 working under the same
oragnisation
Correct your spelling
organisation
 for 5 years.
Furthermore
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, they will be able to deal with the
work
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 stress and
work
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life
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 easier as they are more used to their
work
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 because they have been doing the same
work
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 all their lives,
On the other hand
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, many others think that becoming employees at many different
buisnesses
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businesses
 can help
theit
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their
work
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 experience, and will have a better
chance
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 to
work
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 under higher paying companies.
Work
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 experience comes from a person
that
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who
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 deals with different issues during their working
life
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, by working under different jobs, many
people
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 can gain
work
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 experience because of the different problems they
faced
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face
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.
Moreover
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, getting employed at
high paying
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high-paying
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 jobs will be easier if someone
worked
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works
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 at many different
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work places
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workplaces
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 as they will know how to deal with different types of
people
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.
For instance
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, knowing when to engage with customers and knowing when they need help. In conclusion, I strongly believe that working under the same organisation is better because
people
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 will have a better
chance
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at
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of
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 getting a promotion and it will be easier for them to cope with their
work
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life
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.

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task achievement
You have presented both views effectively and provided your own opinion in the conclusion, which fulfills the task achievement criterion. However, make sure to elaborate more on the supporting details for each point to strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with clear paragraphs for each viewpoint and a conclusion that restates your opinion. However, ensure smoother transitions between points to enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which is good for coherence. Aim to make your introduction more engaging and concise to hook the reader's attention from the start.
task achievement
You have effectively presented both sides of the argument, which shows a clear understanding of the topic and task.
task achievement
The conclusion clearly states your opinion, summarizing the essay well.
coherence cohesion
The essay is organized into clear, logical paragraphs, which aids in readability and coherence.
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