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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people believe that a country’s wealth is dependant on the health of its citizens. Other people argue that education is a better indicator of a nation’s wealth and well-being. What is your opinion? What are some other factors that contribute to the growth and prosperity of a country?

#people #country’s #wealth #dependant #health #citizens #education #indicator #nation’s #factors #growth #prosperity #country
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there are numerous gauges to the
country
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's
overall
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 wealth. Some might argue that the citizen's health should be the primary indicator of a
country
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's well-being,
while
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 others believe that
education
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 is a better measure. Personally, I believe that
education
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 is the rightful measure to assess the
country
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's financial state,
however
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, other factors like infrastructure should not be overlooked. First and foremost,
countries
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 which provide their citizens with top-tier
education
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 are paving the way to a bright future.
Such
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countries
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 realise that in order to develop they must invest in young minds who have time to grow and invent in the future. These investments result in a
country
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 which is prosperous with its own citizens. to demonstrate China, which is one of the fastest-growing
countries
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, has achieved
this
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 success through a strict
education
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 system where each student is encouraged to try to work hard and never give up.
Furthermore
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, Another indicator of a
Country
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's well-being is the availability of Infrastructure
such
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 as electricity, water pipes,and highways. in developing
countries
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, it is common for electricity to
cut
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be cut
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 out for no reason ,or for streets to flood for weeks without government notice
Such
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occurrencessuch
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occurrences such
occurences
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occurrences
,
while
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 insignificant ,are vital for assessing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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overall
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 Prosperity.
on the other hand
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, developed
countries
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 never have
Such
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 issues indicating themselves as wealthy. In conclusion ,
Education
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 Plays a pivotal role in assessing the well-being of nations because it is the building block for a prosperous
Country
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 . Other factors, Namely, infrastructure measure the. Convenience of living .In light of
such
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 a conclusion
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,
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I reckon
Countries
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 Should work hand in hand with their citizens to secure a prosperous future
Submitted by wd2288402 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to ensure each paragraph sticks to one main idea to maintain clarity.
language accuracy
Work on refining your grammatical structures to avoid minor errors that can detract from the overall quality of the essay.
task achievement
Provide more comprehensive and diverse examples to support your points better.
task achievement
You provided a balanced perspective by acknowledging different factors contributing to a nation's wealth and well-being.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which ties your arguments together well.
coherence cohesion
The points are logically organized, and you effectively use transitions to connect your ideas.
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