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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people believe that a country’s wealth is dependant on the health of its citizens. Other people argue that education is a better indicator of a nation’s wealth and well-being. What is your opinion? What are some other factors that contribute to the growth and prosperity of a country?

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there are numerous gauges to the
country
's
overall
 wealth. Some might argue that the citizen's health should be the primary indicator of a
country
's well-being,
while
 others believe that
education
 is a better measure. Personally, I believe that
education
 is the rightful measure to assess the
country
's financial state,
however
, other factors like infrastructure should not be overlooked. First and foremost,
countries
 which provide their citizens with top-tier
education
 are paving the way to a bright future.
Such
countries
 realise that in order to develop they must invest in young minds who have time to grow and invent in the future. These investments result in a
country
 which is prosperous with its own citizens. to demonstrate China, which is one of the fastest-growing
countries
, has achieved
this
 success through a strict
education
 system where each student is encouraged to try to work hard and never give up.
Furthermore
, Another indicator of a
Country
's well-being is the availability of Infrastructure
such
 as electricity, water pipes,and highways. in developing
countries
, it is common for electricity to
cut
Add a missing verb
be cut
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 out for no reason ,or for streets to flood for weeks without government notice
Such
occurrencessuch
Correct your spelling
occurrences such
occurences
Correct your spelling
occurrences
,
while
 insignificant ,are vital for assessing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
overall
 Prosperity.
on the other hand
, developed
countries
 never have
Such
 issues indicating themselves as wealthy. In conclusion ,
Education
 Plays a pivotal role in assessing the well-being of nations because it is the building block for a prosperous
Country
 . Other factors, Namely, infrastructure measure the. Convenience of living .In light of
such
 a conclusion
Add a comma
,
show examples
I reckon
Countries
 Should work hand in hand with their citizens to secure a prosperous future
Submitted by wd2288402 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to ensure each paragraph sticks to one main idea to maintain clarity.
language accuracy
Work on refining your grammatical structures to avoid minor errors that can detract from the overall quality of the essay.
task achievement
Provide more comprehensive and diverse examples to support your points better.
task achievement
You provided a balanced perspective by acknowledging different factors contributing to a nation's wealth and well-being.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which ties your arguments together well.
coherence cohesion
The points are logically organized, and you effectively use transitions to connect your ideas.
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