IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#plans #show #park #first #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The maps illustrate the changes of the Grange Park since 1920
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 when it opened to the public.
Overall
, because of the
destroying
Replace the word
destruction of
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 the stage for musicians and fountains in the middle of the
map
, which is
in
Change preposition
at
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 the top, it opened plenty of places to construct
amphitheater
Correct article usage
an amphitheater
show examples
 and
large
Correct article usage
a large
show examples
 rose
garden
instead
. As we can see
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
map
 at the top, there are two rose gardens in the north and one more
garden
in
Change preposition
on
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 the southwestern
side
.
Cafe
Correct article usage
The cafe
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 today replaced the northeastern
garden
.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the right
side
 of
this
 cafe, we can see
children's
Correct article usage
a children's
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 play area, which in the past was
pond
Add an article
a pond
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 for water
plant
Fix the agreement mistake
plants
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.
Fountain
Correct article usage
The Fountain
show examples
, which
located
Add a missing verb
is located
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 in the middle of the
map
 in 1920, has ruined four huge rose
garden
Fix the agreement mistake
gardens
show examples
, which we can notice in the bottom
map
. There were four places for seats from the two sides of the west-northern rose
garden
 and from
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both sides of the southwestern
garden
, which in the future will be cut by governments. Now all these seats
placed
Add a missing verb
are placed
show examples
 to the round of the rose
garden
. In 1920, it was
glasshouse
Correct article usage
a glasshouse
show examples
in
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on
show examples
 the southeastern
side
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the fountain,
then
 replaced by
water
Add an article
the water
a water
show examples
 feature. Meanwhile,
Add an article
an amphitheater
show examples
amphitheater
Change the spelling
amphitheatre
show examples
 for concerts was built in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
place of
stage
Correct article usage
a stage
show examples
 for musicians, which is located
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the left
side
 of the fountain. Regarding new constructions,
car
Correct article usage
a car
show examples
 park was built next to the water feature
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the east
side
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task response
To improve task response, ensure that all comparisons and changes are summarized succinctly and organized logically. Avoid repeating ideas, and focus on key changes without unnecessary detail.
coherence cohesion
For improved coherence and cohesion, organize the essay into clear paragraphs. Consider using topic sentences to introduce each main point, and ensure a clear introduction and conclusion to frame the response.
task response
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the changes that have occurred in Grange Park since 1920.
task response
The essay includes relevant specific examples of the changes, such as the replacement of the fountain with a rose garden and the construction of an amphitheater.
coherence cohesion
The attempt to describe the changes in detail shows a good effort to comprehensively cover the main features and comparisons of the park over time.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alterations
  • renovations
  • modernize
  • upgraded
  • transformed
  • landscaping
  • facilities
  • amenities
  • preservation
  • heritage
  • green spaces
  • eco-friendly
  • public space
  • community impact
  • historical elements
  • conservation
  • recreational areas
  • urban planning
  • sustainable development
  • layout
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