IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

To learn effectively, children need to eat a healthy meal at school. How true is this statement? Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children?

#children #school #responsibility #food
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Healthy
food
 is important for many
children
 to learn more effectively. It should be provided by the
government
 as a new
program
. I agree with the statement and will discuss step
by step
Add a hyphen
by-step
show examples
 the
program
 of healthy meat at
school
.
To begin
, the main reason why the
program
 of healthy meals has to be provided for
children
 at
school
 is many
children
 need more high nutrition.
That is
due to
 the fact that the child phase is the golden moment and it depends on the
food
that is
 consumed. Of course, when
children
 eat healthy
food
, it can give some benefits, especially for their health condition.
For instance
,
children
 who consume milk and eggs every day will be different from other
children
 who don't eat them. As can be seen, the growth of
children
 who eat healthy meals is better particularly when they learn at
school
. They can accept all lessons well and can't tired easily, they are always enthusiastic and active in learning activities.
As a result
, many
students
 need to eat
food
 of good quality,
thus
 they can maximize their study and improve their knowledge well.
Subsequently
, these programs are the
government
's responsibility
due to
 they can make a decision and provide the funding to implement
this
program
 at
school
.
For instance
, the
government
 of Indonesia will make a free lunch
program
 for
students
 from elementary
school
 until senior high
school
. The
program
 will be implemented around next year because it is still trial and error implementation. Many people view the
program
 as amazing because it better the quality of
children
 including their body condition, growing phase, and their ability. In prediction, many
students
 can get milk in the morning, and proportional dishes at lunchtime consist of proteins, carbohydrates, vitamins, and minerals.
Moreover
, the
government
 can succeed in gaining Indonesia's gold moments. Through
this
program
, they can invest in human resources development
due to
 it depends on how the
government
 can help many
students
 get a good growth phase and quality of education. In my point of view, the
government
 should provide healthy
food
 to
children
 because it can
make improving
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 their ability to focus when they learn at
school
.
Thus
, the teaching and learning activities can be more effective.
Submitted by writingbersama on

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task response
The essay addresses the task but lacks a thorough examination of different perspectives. Including counterarguments and addressing them can provide a more comprehensive response.
task response
The ideas need to be developed more fully, particularly in the body paragraphs. Providing more detailed explanations and including more specific examples will strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay’s structure is clear, but the logical flow can be improved. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main point and that supporting sentences directly relate to it.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but can be more impactful. Consider crafting a stronger thesis statement and a more definitive concluding statement that echoes your main points.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence variety and transitions to improve the flow of your essay. Using a mixture of simple, compound, and complex sentences as well as transition words will make your writing more engaging and coherent.
task response
The essay has a clear intention and addresses the prompt directly, which shows good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
You use reasonable vocabulary and grammar, with an effort to explain your points clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates an awareness of structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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