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Band 3.5

In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by cards or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?

#future #people #shops #cash #payments #cards #phones
Under the rapid development of technology,
payment
 applications, cards and contactless cards are gradually replaced
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
tradditional
Correct your spelling
traditional
additional
cash
payment
. In my opinion, the convenience of non-
cash
payment
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 will
overweight
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 the other in the near future.
Firstly
, the regime of 4.0 technology changes the consumers from going to shopping
mall
Fix the agreement mistake
malls
show examples
 to shopping online.
This
 point
also
 makes
people
 must do more online
payment
 methods,
such
 as QR code
payment
,
e-wallet
Correct word choice
and e-wallet
show examples
 apps...
Secondly
, credit card companies are
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
racing to offer their
costumers
Correct your spelling
customers
show examples
 a wide range of
promotion
Fix the agreement mistake
promotions
show examples
. Customers are often entitled to spend money
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 pay
back
Correct pronoun usage
it back
show examples
 45 to 55 days later. That sounds really interesting for customers to use credit cards for more and more shopping
although
 they do not have any
cash
 at all.
However
, most
of
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apply
show examples
elderly
people
 are not happy with
this
 rapid
changing
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change
show examples
. Those
people
 do not accept
this
 new method because they do not believe the bank account or any e-wallet
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 safe, they prefer
cash
 in hand.
Additionally
, some specific expenses like tippings or grabbing a coffee should be done by
cash
. In conclusion, it is
obviously
Change the word
obvious
show examples
 that non-
cash
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
 are dominating globally, exceptionally some cases and some
people
 are not familiar
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 it yet.
Submitted by minhchau8487 on

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task achievement
Your essay responds well to the task and covers the main points, but it would benefit from further development of ideas. Including more specific examples and explaining their relevance in more detail would improve your score.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is good, but there are some points that need clearer connections between ideas. For instance, linking the idea of online shopping more directly to the necessity of non-cash payments would enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which frame your essay well.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are relevant and logically organized.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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