IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Fewer students are studying science at schools and universities, favoring more computer-based subjects. Is this a positive or negative development? What are the reasons for this?

#students #science #schools #universities #subjects #development
In the modern era, technological innovations have a great impact on the learning of learners. The majority of students choose computer-based courses over science at schools and colleges.
This
 essay will analyse the reasons for
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 statement
along with
 positive development in the subsequent paragraphs. Certainly, an association of multifarious reasons behind
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
computer dominance
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 learning all over the world.
However
, first and foremost is digitalisation. To explain it more, fewer companies are in the race with another to produce better products. For
this
, they imbibe new gadgets and mechanical advancements to grow rapidly. In
this
 case, youngsters are allured by the contemporary technologies that inculcate them in acquiring technical skills for career security. In the 2022 survey, around 60% of multinational firms in the USA utilise artificial technology,
hence
 it provides commendable job opportunities that
enforce
Verb problem
force
show examples
 children to expertise
in particular
 aspects of mechanisms.
Subsequently
, another factor
that is
 worth mentioning is merits,
while
 the prominent ones are new inventions and enhanced rational thinking. To elaborate on it,
latest
Add an article
the latest
show examples
 research is essential to
fulfil
Change the verb form
fulfilling
show examples
 the skyrocketed necessities of humans.
Such
 techniques provide comfort and
passable
Correct article usage
a passable
show examples
 lifestyle.
Further
, it enhances the problem-solving, logical and critical thinking in beginners. It becomes feasible to
set-up
Correct your spelling
set up
show examples
 their business that
escalate
Change the verb form
escalates
show examples
 the working avenues. Ultimately, the living standard of demographers
as well as
 society
tend
Change the verb form
tends
show examples
 to increase.
For instance
,
according to
 a 2022 survey, around 40% of Canadian individuals work online from home,
therefore
 they save
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
 of time and money. In conclusion, academic institutions should maintain
balance
Add an article
a balance
the balance
show examples
 between both aspects as science is
also
 necessary for biodiversity research. It must scrutinised by pupils in order to preserve the environment for current
as well as
 future
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
.
Submitted by harshitabangar77777 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay should clearly address the topic by discussing both positive and negative aspects of the trend and providing balanced examples and reasons. Try to address both sides of the argument more explicitly to enhance the completeness of the response.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and aim to present ideas more concisely. Make sure each paragraph supports a specific point related to the overall argument, ensuring smooth transitions between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be clearer with more straightforward phrasing. Avoid overly complex sentence structures where simpler ones would be more effective.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the response well.
task achievement
Specific examples, such as survey results, are used effectively to support points.
task achievement
The essay employs a variety of vocabulary and shows a good attempt at using complex structures, which demonstrates a solid grasp of language.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: