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Band 3

You recently bought some train for a jorney a week in advance. When you went to the station to cathch the train, you were told you not use the tickets and the staff were unhelpful to you.

#train #jorney #week #advance #station #cathch #tickets #staff
Dear Sir, I had very a bad experience with the
staff
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
train
 station. I bought the
train
ticket
 for a
jorney
Correct your spelling
journey
 a week in advance and I went to the
train
 station to catch the
train
. Where the
staff
 told me that I couldn´t not use
this
ticket
. I was really
suprised
Correct your spelling
surprised
 and I would like to explain why and what I can do. The
staff
 sent me
to
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apply
show examples
the
train
 information because he couldn´t help, he was extremely busy
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
this
 moment and it
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 not his business. When I asked where are the
informatio
Correct your spelling
information
, he only looked at me and was
smilling
Correct your spelling
smiling
.
However
, I went to the
receiption
Correct your spelling
reception
 where the
ladie
Correct your spelling
ladies
lady
explained
Add the preposition
explained to
show examples
 me that the
ticket
 was
on
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at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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diferrent
Correct your spelling
different
 place and they
don´t
Wrong verb form
didn´t
show examples
 have
available
Add an article
an available
show examples
ticket
 for me. I wanted to refund the money and she told me, that she has to send a request to the finance department. She told me that for the request the department
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 5 business days and
then
 someone will call me. In
this
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
 I would
wait
Add the preposition
wait for
show examples
 a different result.
For example
, the money
refund
Change the verb form
refunds
show examples
imadiatelly
Correct your spelling
immediately
 and hear kindly apologize.
Additionally
, the first
staff
 was so terrible, not
helpfull
Correct your spelling
helpful
 to me. I was really sad
from
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about
show examples
this
 situation.
Hopefully
Add a comma
Hopefully,
show examples
this
 comment/letter help your
servise
Correct your spelling
service
 with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better
custumer
Correct your spelling
customer
 experience. Kind regards Andrea Kroupova
Submitted by andrea.kroupova on

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task response
Ensure that all parts of the task are addressed. It would be beneficial to provide more clarity on what exactly caused the issue with the ticket and what specific actions you expect from the company.
coherence and cohesion
Improve sentence structure and grammar to enhance readability. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and use of articles. For instance, 'I bought a train ticket for a journey' and 'the staff told me that I couldn't use the ticket.'
coherence and cohesion
Work on your paragraph structure. Currently, the paragraphs cover multiple points each, making the letter a bit hard to follow. Distinct paragraphs for description of the problem, your feelings about the experience, and your expected resolution would help.
task response
Good job in addressing most aspects of the task such as describing the problem and the staff interaction.
coherence and cohesion
Clear progression of ideas. It is evident from the letter what happened first, next, and last.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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