IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Crime rate, in most countries, is often higher in urban areas than rural area. Why do you think that is? What can be done to reduce the crime rate?

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The criminal level in the majority of countries is surging in
cities
Use synonyms
 rather than in the countryside
areas
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay will discuss the cause of
this
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 and what measures should be taken to decrease the level. The reason behind
this
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 phenomenon is
because
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 the rate of living cost in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urban
areas
Use synonyms
 is higher than in the suburbs. Daily needs
such
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 as food, housing, and public transportation are charged more expensive even though the goods or services’ qualities are the same. Despite that fact, better job opportunities that are exaggerated by the urban lifestyles always succeed in inviting more village residents to bet their future by coming to the
cities
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.
However
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, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 no guarantee that
successful
Correct article usage
a successful
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 life can be achieved by only moving from the rural to the metropolis unless people would sacrifice their time and energy to experience a hardworking and competitive culture within
work’s
Change noun form
work
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condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, citizens who can not adapt
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 challenging situation would find
financially
Correct pronoun usage
themselves financially
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 struggling and will unfortunately choose to commit a crime as the solution, by pickpocketing or stealing from others.
Therefore
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, the measurement to reduce
this
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 social problem should be taken. Authorities must create regulations to limit the number of urbanizations,
subsequently
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, they should expand more job opportunities by multiplying the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
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 of industries within the
suburban
Replace the word
suburbs
show examples
.
As a result
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, the job vacancies would be bigger in the
rurals
Correct your spelling
rural
 and decreasing the
villagers
Correct quantifier usage
number of villagers
show examples
 who want a better occupation in the
cities
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
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, economic regulations in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
metropolitan
areas
Use synonyms
 should be formed by controlling inflation and distributing the same share of salary within all variety of professions. Those acts might lessen the pressure on citizens financially and
consequently
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, lower the criminal rate. In conclusion, the living cost pressure
in contrast
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 with its highly competitive working condition makes criminal
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
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 in urban
areas
Use synonyms
 higher compared to the suburbs. To tackle
this
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, authorities should perform regulations that help villagers
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
find the same chances in the rural as in the
cities
Use synonyms
 and lessen the citizens'
burden
Correct word choice
financial burden
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 financially.

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task achievement
Expand on the examples provided to make them more specific and pertinent to the argument. This will strengthen the relevance and clarity of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Proofread for minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to improve readability and clarity (e.g., 'the rate of living cost' should be 'the cost of living').
task achievement
Use a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to enhance the sophistication of your writing.
task achievement
The essay clearly addresses both aspects of the task, providing reasons for higher crime rates in urban areas and suggesting measures to reduce crime.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure is maintained throughout the essay, with each paragraph dedicated to specific ideas.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present and frame the essay well, summarizing the main points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime rate
  • urban areas
  • rural areas
  • populations
  • economic disparities
  • illegal activities
  • anonymity
  • unemployment
  • youth
  • drug and gang problems
  • aggressive behavior
  • temptation
  • denser living conditions
  • pronounced
  • alternative means of income
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