IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that students should be required to study a broad range of subjects, while others argue that students should be allowed to specialize in a specific field from an early age. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #students #study #range #subjects #field #age
From past decades to now, the aim of school education is developing awareness of self, and teaching diverse
subjects
 to
students
.
While
 some have an attitude that it is necessary for pupils to learn a wide range of
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
, others believe that the area of
studies
Fix the agreement mistake
study
show examples
 should be chosen by
students
 themselves from
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 young
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
. I agree with the first group and both viewpoints will be argued in the following paragraphs. As it is mentioned, a group of people claim that
students
, in schools, should be free to choose
subjects
 which they are keen to study.
This
 action has some positive impacts;
first,
tutees will have
thirst
Add an article
a thirst
the thirst
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 knowledge when they study their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
subjects
.
Second,
students
 will not be bored so they become quick learners and they will stop
play
Wrong verb form
playing
show examples
 truant; in
this
 way the quality of education increases.
Third,
learners will search for extra information about their ideal fields and will share it with other classmates
then
this
 is beneficial for their general awareness. Others and I,
in contrast
, opine that it is demanded for scholars and their future to have basic information about diverse fields which they need to learn
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 young
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
. Indeed, general data about
subjects
 like geography, history, math, science, literature and art are useful in all careers, social life and communication. Every single person on the Earth should be aware of the history of countries and the evolution of humans because
these information
Change the determiner
this information
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 functional for their improvements in various aspects of their lives. In brief, there are two perspectives; from one viewpoint,
students
need
Add the particle
need to
show examples
 learn a vast domain of
subjects
; from another, the topics should be chosen freely by pupils. I fiercely agree with the first group and in my viewpoint everyone should have basic knowledge about core fields
Submitted by shaghayegh95shadman on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your paragraphs are well-developed and that your main points are supported with clear examples. For instance, giving real-world scenarios or personal anecdotes could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on transitioning between ideas and paragraphs smoothly. This will improve the logical flow of your essay and help the reader follow your arguments more easily.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The main points are clearly stated and generally well-supported, making the essay easier to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: