Professional sports people are often idolised by young children. Some people think that they therefore have a responsibility to be good role models at all times for children. Do you agree or disagree?
Generally speaking,
sports
coaches have a positive impact on individuals
. Specifically, they tend to be popular among young children
. It is suggested that professional sports
people
should consistently act as children
’s good role models, which is a part of career responsibility. This
essay will strongly agree with this
claim, justified by several reasons.
To begin
, sports
coaches can facilitate children
’s safe practice in sports
. This
means that they can model safe physical exercises and workout
. Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
For instance
, qualified sports
practitioners are capable of guiding children
through practicing
correct physical moves and stretches. If Change the spelling
practising
children
copy these, this
will ensure that they do exercises properly without getting injured. Similarly
, when it comes to workout
, Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
sports
athletes also
play an
pivotal role in Change the article
a
children
’s sports
learning within safety. Children
would observe and learn from coaches’ model workout
, Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
such
as weight lifting and ropes jumping. Through several guided sessions, children
would positively form a good habit of safe workout
.
Fix the agreement mistake
workouts
Additionally
, professional sports
workers may motivate young people
to actively participate in sports
. These professionals can show young people
how they are physically fit, and this
drives them to do sports
to achieve similar results. In China, most coaches appear physically strong and mentally resilient. Most young individuals
are inspired by their active and positive energy,
so Remove the comma
apply
that
they are motivated to play Correct word choice
apply
sports
and become as strong as their PE teachers. This
often ends up young
Change preposition
with young
people
practice
Wrong verb form
practising
sports
regularly to keep fit. In other words
, the more inspired sports
workers are, the more sports
young people
will be committed to.
In conclusion, it is obvious that professional sports
individuals
have the capacity to positively influence children
in terms of playing sports
. In most cases, they are admired by young individuals
. Several experts claim that they should be their role models from time to time, considered as one of their professional responsibility
, and I highly agree with Fix the agreement mistake
responsibilities
this
due to
their efficacy in terms of safe sports
practice and motivation to do sports
.Submitted by junjiehong94 on
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Introduction
While your introduction clearly states the topic and your stance, adding a bit more detail to outline the main reasons for your agreement would make it stronger and more compelling.
Task Achievement
Ensure that the reasons presented in the body paragraphs directly support the thesis statement. Also, make the distinction between the impact of sports 'coaches' and 'professional sports people' clearer since these terms are used interchangeably.
Coherence and Cohesion
The body paragraphs could benefit from more explicit topic sentences that directly indicate support for responsible behavior by professional sportspeople as role models. This would enhance clarity and coherence.
Language Use
Rephrase some sentences to avoid repetition and improve flow. For example, 'most coaches appear physically strong and mentally resilient' can be rephrased to 'many coaches exhibit physical strength and mental resilience'.
Task Achievement
Expand on the example given about China by explaining how these coaches' behaviors are impactful beyond just physical training.
Task Achievement
The essay successfully identifies two key roles that professional sportspeople can play: facilitating safe practice and motivating children to participate in sports.
Conclusion
The conclusion wraps up the essay well by summarizing the main points and reinforcing the writer’s stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of the essay flows logically from the introduction to the conclusion.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?