An increasing number of professionals such as doctor and teacher are leaving their own poorer countries to work in developed countries. What problem does this cause? What can be done to deal with this situation?

There is a moral necessity today for the richer
countries
of the world to help the poorer
countries
develop in terms of feeding the population,education and health
care
. To what extent do you agree or disagree with
this
statement? It is believed that financial help from developed
countries
to undeveloped ones is morally required. I absolutely agree with the statement, as it will minimize the gap between rich and poor
countries
and it serves the collective interest of humanity
Firstly
,it is well known that in our time when economics affected to
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
country
Add a comma
country,
show examples
we have richer
countries
or poorer
countries
.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
Qatar and Switzerland are richer
countries
in our time. In Qatar was
Correct article usage
the
show examples
Football Championship and from that they
payed
Correct your spelling
paid
show examples
millions
Change preposition
of dollar
show examples
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
. But they can for
this
money help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people in Africa who are starving and dying. Because Africa compared with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
is
poorest
Correct article usage
the poorest
show examples
. If richer
countries
don’t help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other economies in
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
will collapse and will start a war again. Richer
countries
can help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
poorer
countries
with investments. If richer
countries
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
invest, in
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
poorer
countries
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will repay in the same coin or even more.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
richer
countries
help poorer
countries
with clothing, food, education and health
care
. Every year in rich
countries
have a lot of unnecessary clothes and they throw
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
out. When they can give clothes to poor
countries
for instance
African people. In Afghanistan and
Pakistan
Add a comma
Pakistan,
show examples
there is a war going on and Innocent children are dying from lack of food and medical
care
.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
richer
countries
can help with that. In conclusion, there is a strong need for the richer
countries
of the world to help the poorer
countries
regarding feeding the population, studying, and health
care
. By providing assistance in these areas, wealthier nations can help address the root causes of poverty and inequality and contribute to a more equitable and just global society.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure all points are clearly connected. Use transitional phrases to link ideas smoothly for better coherence.
task achievement
While the essay touches on necessary points, elaborate on examples to strengthen arguments. For instance, discuss specific initiatives or programs that richer countries could use to support poorer nations.
task achievement
Proofread your essay for grammatical and spelling errors. For example, correct phrases like "in our time when economics affected to country" to "in today's world, where economics affect a country."
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance and maintains it throughout the essay, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
You've effectively included an introduction and conclusion, providing a complete argument structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Brain drain
  • Human capital
  • Economic development
  • Financial incentives
  • Global cooperation
  • Knowledge transfer
  • Capacity-building
  • Inequality
  • Human resources
  • Retention strategies
  • Healthcare infrastructure
  • Educational infrastructure
  • Professional migration
  • Skilled workforce
What to do next:
Look at other essays: