IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The natural resources such as oil, forests and fresh water are being consumed at an alarming rate. What problems does it cause? How can we solve these problems?

#resources #oil #forests #water #rate
Since people are using
the
Correct article usage
apply
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critical natural
resources
 including
oil
, forests, and fresh
water
at
Change preposition
apply
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a huge amount,
this
issue
 might lead to many problems.
However
, several solutions could be implemented to reduce the level of risks.
Firstly
, the primary problem
might
Correct pronoun usage
that might
show examples
become
Verb problem
arise
show examples
 from
this
issue
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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environmental degradation. To explain, regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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forests, cutting down trees for agriculture and other uses
such
 as making chairs and tables,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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leads to the loss and disruption of ecosystems and the death of living organisms. In terms of consuming
the
Correct article usage
apply
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frash
Correct your spelling
fresh
water
 and
oil
, extracting
water
 and
oil
 from the ground
leading
Wrong verb form
leads
show examples
 to
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
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the
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of the
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 creatures
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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homes. To tackle
this
issue
, the government should implement regulations for resource use.
For example
, farmers should obtain approval before consuming
resources
, and they should be required to use areas that are uninhabited by wildlife.
Secondly
, another problem is public health issues. To clarify, consuming
the
Correct article usage
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natural
resources
 can cause the cleanliness of nature.
For example
, utilizing the forests can lead to
form
Verb problem
apply
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the
Correct article usage
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global warming and air pollution,
extract
Wrong verb form
extracting
show examples
 fresh
water
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
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 in waterborne diseases.
Therefore
, respiratory problems and greenhouse gas emissions
resulting
Wrong verb form
result
show examples
 from the usage of
oil
. To solve
this
issue
, the government should teach the farmers the right way to utilize and consume these
resources
 to reduce the issues. In conclusion, despite using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
natural
resources
 resulting
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 many problems, there are many ways to tackle
this
issue
.
Submitted by alharrasialanood7 on

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task achievement
You need to develop your ideas more comprehensively and provide more specific examples to support your points. For instance, when discussing the environmental degradation due to deforestation, you could mention specific ecosystems or species endangered by this practice.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasing that make your essay less clear. For instance, 'the primary problem might become from this issue...' could be rephrased as 'the primary problem arising from this issue is...'.
coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single, clear idea and that all points are logically connected. For example, the impacts of fresh water and oil extraction on wildlife are mentioned briefly and could be expanded or integrated better into the discussion.
task achievement
You have identified clear problems and proposed solutions, which is good for the task achievement criterion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames your arguments effectively.
coherence cohesion
The overall structure of your essay is logical, with distinct paragraphs addressing separate points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • non-renewable resources
  • economic instability
  • water shortages
  • agricultural production
  • deforestation
  • biodiversity
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • global warming
  • sustainable management
  • conservation
  • alternative energy
  • afforestation
  • reforestation
  • water conservation
  • responsible consumption
What to do next:
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