the bar chart below shows the percentage of australian men and women in the different age group who did regular physical activity in 2010.

the bar chart below shows the percentage of australian men and women in the different age group who did regular physical activity in 2010.
The two given charts provide the
last
year’s attendance rate
of
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in
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Ireland
according to
age
group
,gender and type of visit
Overall
,it is noticeable from
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
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charts that
upper
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the upper
show examples
chart is more complicated,
due to
seven
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the seven
show examples
age
groups,
while
bottom
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the bottom
show examples
chart has only 4 sectors
that
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which
show examples
is
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are
show examples
nearly
same
Correct article usage
the same
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as half of
age
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the age
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group
diagram. Now,turning to the details,we may see two
age
groups with the same proportion of visits,these are
community
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a community
show examples
of people aged 45-54
years
and 25-34
years
and their proportion is 23
that
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which
show examples
is the highest in
first
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the first
show examples
diagram.Meanwhile in
bottom
Correct article usage
the bottom
show examples
illustration there
only
Add a missing verb
is only
show examples
one
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
highest percentage
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
belongs to males who were visiting Ireland in order to rest.
However
,there
only
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is only
show examples
one sector with the lowest rate in both
of
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apply
show examples
illustration
Fix the agreement mistake
illustrations
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,6
percent
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per cent
show examples
in
age
Add an article
the age
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group
of 0-15
years
and 4
percent
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per cent
show examples
in
group
Add an article
a group
the group
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of
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
who were visiting for business purposes. It is worth mentioning the fact that
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
highest rate in
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
figure is more than the second topmost proportion in two times,there are 40% of females who went
Ireland
Change preposition
to Ireland
show examples
to get rest and 19% of people aged 35-44
years
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "that is".
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, group, years with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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