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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show internet use for different purposes in Australia in 2010 and 2011 and the percentage by users. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show internet use for different purposes in Australia in 2010 and 2011 and the percentage by users. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #internet #purposes #australia #percentage #users #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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Four charts show
internet
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use
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 for
three
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 different tasks in Australia and the
percentage
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 by
users
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. We can see the
percentage
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 among
three
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 topics: Social
media
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, paying
bills
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 online and
emailings
Correct your spelling
emailing
 in the first chart and the
percentage
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 of
ages
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 of
users
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 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
three
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. First of all, Australians mostly
use
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internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 for emailing with the highest
percentage
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 of
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, social
media
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 and paying
bills
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 online
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not as popular as emailing. Following the
last
Linking Words
three
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, Australians of various
ages
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use
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Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 for paying
bills
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 online and emailing
stay
Correct subject-verb agreement
stays
show examples
 stable
whereas
Linking Words
 the difference of social
media
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.
According to
Linking Words
 the social
media
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 chart, younger people tend to
use
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internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 for social
media
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 more than older people, 100%
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 in the age between 18 to 25 years old do that. Despite the same
percentage
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 of
use
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,
payings
Correct your spelling
paying
show examples
bills
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 online and social
media
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’s
ages
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 of
users
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 are dissimilar.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, emailing’s amount of
use
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 is higher than online buying but
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
Use synonyms
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 of
users
Use synonyms
 is similar to online shopping.
Submitted by dohuyhoang on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words internet, use, three, percentage, users, media, bills, ages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
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