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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The charts below show internet use for different purposes in Australia in 2010 and 2011 and the percentage by users. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show internet use for different purposes in Australia in 2010 and 2011 and the percentage by users. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #internet #purposes #australia #percentage #users #summarise #information #features #comparisons
Four charts show
internet
use
 for
three
 different tasks in Australia and the
percentage
 by
users
. We can see the
percentage
 among
three
 topics: Social
media
, paying
bills
 online and
emailings
Correct your spelling
emailing
 in the first chart and the
percentage
 of
ages
 of
users
 in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
three
. First of all, Australians mostly
use
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 for emailing with the highest
percentage
 of
user
Fix the agreement mistake
users
show examples
.
In addition
, social
media
 and paying
bills
 online
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 not as popular as emailing. Following the
last
three
, Australians of various
ages
use
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 for paying
bills
 online and emailing
stay
Correct subject-verb agreement
stays
show examples
 stable
whereas
 the difference of social
media
.
According to
 the social
media
 chart, younger people tend to
use
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 for social
media
 more than older people, 100%
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 in the age between 18 to 25 years old do that. Despite the same
percentage
 of
use
,
payings
Correct your spelling
paying
show examples
bills
 online and social
media
’s
ages
 of
users
 are dissimilar.
Otherwise
, emailing’s amount of
use
 is higher than online buying but
it’s
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 of
users
 is similar to online shopping.
Submitted by dohuyhoang on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Contractions: Don't use contractions.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 78%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words internet, use, three, percentage, users, media, bills, ages with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "show" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 5 times.
▼

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