IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In spite of the advances made in the sphere of agriculture, many people worldwide still go hungry payment and land. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

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Despite the great achievements in the aspect of agriculture, a good number of folks around the world still face the problem of starving. The cause of
this
Linking Words
 problem might be the fact, that poor regions' citizens can not afford
getting
Change the verb form
to get
show examples
 healthy and satisfying nutrition. The issue can be solved by manufacturing products in these states. First of all, currently, a lot of individuals' lands lack
of
Remove the preposition
apply
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budget, in order to
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 good meals. It indicates that people are not able to purchase it,
besides
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 importing it.
This
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 is true for the majority of destitute nations.
For instance
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,
according to
Linking Words
 aa.com,
top
Correct article usage
the top
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 9 most starved countries are from Africa and
Middle
Correct article usage
the Middle
show examples
 East.
However
Linking Words
, the question can be
gone
Verb problem
answered
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 by building food factories and new companies in these areas. Not only it will make the fare more viable to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
,
Add the word(s)
, but
show examples
it will
also
Linking Words
 create many jobs which means,
state's
Correct article usage
the state's
show examples
 economy will grow much quicker.
For example
Linking Words
, in Kazakhstan, there was a massive demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 cold drinks but all of the outer companies put down high prices,
however
Linking Words
, in 1998, one of the biggest Kazakh
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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, Maxi
tea
Capitalize word
Tea
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 was built,
which
Correct word choice
and which
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 general public could obtain its products and still be on cash. In conclusion, many brands put costliness on their products outside their motherland, which hurts external human
beings
Change noun form
beings'
being's
show examples
 wallets. So, governments need to support fresh national companies to avoid high rates of starvation.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Try to organize each paragraph more clearly. Your ideas should be logically connected within the paragraphs as well as across the entire essay.
Task Achievement
Use more specific data and detailed examples to strengthen your arguments. For instance, state specific numbers or provide more comprehensive scenarios if possible.
Overall
Pay attention to language accuracy and variety. Reduce the occurrence of grammatical inaccuracies and strive to use a wider range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures.
Task Achievement
You addressed both parts of the prompt by discussing why people still go hungry and what can be done to solve this problem.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provide context and summary respectively.
Task Achievement
The essay contains some relevant examples, such as those about African nations and Kazakhstan, which help in supporting your points.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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