IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You are currently running a course and have a part-time job. Your boss suggested that you leave your course and work full time. Write a letter to your boss. in your letter, you should: -tell him/her your decision -explain the reason of your decision.

#course #job #boss #work #time #-tell #decision #-explain #reason
Good afternoon, dear sir. As you know, I'm a part-time worker for the next 6 months
due to
 the course I have participating
during
Change preposition
in during
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 the
last
 year. Next Friday I
had gotten
Wrong verb form
got
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 the message with the suggestion to interrupt my study for now because of the
company
Change noun form
company's
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 needs. In
this
email
Add a comma
email,
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 I want to discuss
this
 statement with you. I'm convinced that I could bring much more benefits to the company after
a
Remove the article
apply
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graduation from
this
 course. We are learning all kinds of useful skills, suitable to my work.
Moreover
, I believe that after finishing the course I'll be more profitable for our company.
Furthermore
, in my humble opinion, it would be
mistake
Add an article
a mistake
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 to finish my studying now. I hope you'll understand it right and
get
Verb problem
make
show examples
a
Change the article
the
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 best decision. Sincerely your's. Best regards. Anastassia
Submitted by anastasia on

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coherence cohesion
Try to separate different ideas into distinct paragraphs to improve readability and coherence.
task achievement
Consider refining your tone slightly to sound more professional and less conversational.
task achievement
You provided a clear explanation of the reason for your decision and addressed the task appropriately.
coherence cohesion
Your greeting and closing are polite and appropriate.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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