IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#countries #people #work #move #friends #families #development
People
 around the world are travelling to
other place
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another place
other places
show examples
 for their work by moving away from their family and friends. In many countries, the scope
to
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of
show examples
 the relevant
technogies
Correct your spelling
technologies
 or facilities will not be available. Nowadays
people
 as well willing to move to gain their knowledge in
carrier
Correct your spelling
career
show examples
.
Firstly
 after completing
academic
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academics
show examples
, students
keen
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are keen
show examples
 to pursue their
carrier
Correct your spelling
careers
show examples
 in other countries because they can able to expand their knowledge and gain more ways of
practise
Verb problem
practising
show examples
 and related use cases. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, It helps them to improve their
exposer
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exposure
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to the relevant field.
For instance
,
pharamedical
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paramedical
student
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students
show examples
 in India
move
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moves
show examples
 to
other country
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another country
other countries
show examples
 for their
practise
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practice
show examples
 in
hospital
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hospitals
show examples
 based on their major.
Due to
this
,
people
 moving out from
country
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the country
show examples
has
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have
show examples
 to leave their families, friends, pets and favourite places
which
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in which
show examples
 they have lots of memories around the circle. Since
,
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apply
show examples
 it was
an
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a
show examples
 used place and have collected lots of memories shared with lovable persons.
For example
, if a
students
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student
show examples
 has got an
appoinment
Correct your spelling
appointment
 for his/her academic programs in UK/ States/ anywhere in the world. They need to prepare
by
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apply
show examples
themself to sustain
they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 upcoming day living in
totally
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a totally
show examples
 contract city. To answer
this
, young
people
 can move out from their place by pushing his/her barrier to another level of extent, by living life on
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own. By that, he/she will
be knowing
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
 of the financial
maintainance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
, can be able to lots of different
people
 with
differenct
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different
region
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regions
show examples
arounf
Correct your spelling
around
 the world.
Submitted by yabloothedinesh on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on creating more compelling and clear introductions and conclusions to frame your essay better. This helps in giving your writing a clear structure and makes it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
Task Response
Make sure your points are well developed and supported by clear and relevant examples throughout the essay. This helps in making your argument more convincing and strengthens your task achievement.
General Advice
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary accuracy. There were a few minor errors and awkward phrasings that affected the overall flow of the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay.
Task Response
You have touched on relevant points regarding the personal and professional growth opportunities when moving away for work.
Task Response
Your writing shows an understanding of the topic and its implications, which is great for task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
You included an example of a paramedical student moving abroad, which contributes to supporting your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • relocation
  • employment prospects
  • professional development
  • cultural exposure
  • isolation
  • familial relationships
  • cost of living
  • career progression
  • mental health
  • significant life events
  • higher salaries
  • support families
  • broaden horizons
  • living standards
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