IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

More people decided to have children in their later age than in the past. Why? Do advantages of this outweigh disadvantages?

#people #children #age #outweigh
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There is no denying the fact that having
children
 is a significant object in most societies.
While
 it is
commonly
Correct article usage
a commonly
show examples
 held belief that many individuals decided to have
children
 at a later age in the past,there is
also
 an argument that opposes it.In my opinion, consider that having
children
 at an early age has many challenges.
To begin
 with, focus on your career.
In other words
, many individuals prioritise building their careers before starting a family.In an edition, some people focus on higher education and personal development.
For example
, people who spend more years in education
also
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
aim to achieve personal goals before having kids. Another point to consider
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is relationship stability. It is
also
 possible to say that studies show that couples may wait until their relationship is more stable before having kids.
Moreover
, the heath advances.
For instance
, Improved healthcare and fertility treatment allow for later pregnancies. In conclusion, despite people having different views,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with
had
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
.
Submitted by 01_salver_cheek on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure the introduction clearly outlines both the topic and your viewpoint. Mention the shift towards having children later explicitly in the introduction.
introduction conclusion present
In the conclusion, summarize the main reasons for delaying parenthood that you discussed in the essay, and clearly restate your position regarding whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
supported main points
Ensure each main idea is supported by specific examples or evidence. More concrete data or specific cases can enhance your arguments.
logical structure
Improve coherence by making sure that every paragraph transitions smoothly and logically follows the previous one. Use linking words and phrases to show the relationship between ideas.
complete response
Address the second part of the task more comprehensively by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of having children later, then clearly state which side is stronger in your opinion.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay identifies key factors such as career focus, education, and relationship stability as reasons for having children later, which are relevant and reasonable points.
relevant specific examples
The essay mentions societal changes and healthcare advances, showing an understanding of broader trends affecting the decision to have children later.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • delaying parenthood
  • financial stability
  • career advancement
  • personal goals
  • higher education
  • fertility treatments
  • relationship stability
  • health care improvements
  • personal development
  • postponing children
  • achieve milestones
  • family planning
  • modern society
  • life expectancy
  • paternal and maternal age
What to do next:
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