The percentage of overweight children in western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years. Discuss the causes and effects of this disturbing trend and offer a solution.
In numerous
western
nations the rate of minors with Capitalize word
Western
exsessive
body fat Correct your spelling
excessive
risen
by Add a missing verb
has risen
one forth
over the Correct your spelling
one-fourth
last
decade.This
essay will suggest that mainly sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
lifestyle
and poor diet are
Unnecessary verb
apply
account
for Change the noun form
accounts
present
phenomena and that Correct article usage
the present
Correct article usage
a physcal
physcal
activity campaign,followed by Correct your spelling
physical
restictions
on processed Correct your spelling
restrictions
food
.
Many individuals tend to have Correct article usage
a sedentry
sedentry
Correct your spelling
sedentary
lifestyle
due to
type
of Correct article usage
the type
their
work or unnessity in extra movements.In modern worlds remote and flexible jobs are more common than ever,Correct pronoun usage
apply
also
the latest applinces
provide Correct your spelling
applications
people
much
Change preposition
with much
comfatability
,from ordering Correct your spelling
comfort
food
to cleaning houses.Sedenrty
Correct your spelling
Sedentary
lifestyle
can cause back pain,limeted
Correct your spelling
limited
physycal
activity and other health problems.Since there are little movement calories can Correct your spelling
physical
burn
,Wrong verb form
be burned
subsequently
weight gain is very possible.Food
that western
kids consume Capitalize word
Western
another
crucial factor for weight gain.Ultr-processed Add a missing verb
is another
food
such
as chips,cokes and sweets, are especially popular among children,these foods
tend to be high-caloried
and have Correct your spelling
high-calorie
high-calories
little
healthy Correct quantifier usage
few
nutrtients
.Correct your spelling
nutrients
This
leads high
Change preposition
to high
calories
intake,Change the noun form
calorie
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
sedentry
Correct your spelling
sedentary
lifestyle
causes not enough
calorie burn.
One of the Add a missing verb
have enough
solution
for the problem is Change to a plural noun
solutions
athletics
campaign.It is vital to spread Correct article usage
the athletics
awarnes
of Correct your spelling
awareness
lack
of Correct article usage
the lack
Correct article usage
the ody
ody
Change the capitalization
Ody
movment
.Correct your spelling
movement
Great
campaign can Add an article
A great
possible
contain sports,which not only keep Change the adjective
possibly
people
active but also
can be entartaining
leisure time.Correct your spelling
entertaining
Moreover
,once youngsters are atracted
,they can be inserted Correct your spelling
attracted
in
some community where they can find Change preposition
into
people
woth
Correct your spelling
with
same
interests.Correct article usage
the same
Furthermore
, restrictions on processed foods
could help mitigate the issue. Governments could implement policies to limit the availability and marketing of unhealthy foods
, especially those targeted at children. This
could include higher taxes on sugary snacks and beverages or stricter regulations on advertising these products to minors.
In conclusion, the rise in excessive body fat among minors in Western nations is due to
sedentary lifestyles and poor diets. Promoting physical activity and restricting processed foods
are key steps to encourage healthier habits and reduce obesity in young people
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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay. Make sure your ideas flow more logically from one to another. Better transitions between paragraphs and sentences will help improve coherence.
Task Achievement
Make sure to provide more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. This will help make your points clearer and more convincing.
General
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Introduction
The introduction clearly states the issue and provides a brief overview of what will be discussed in the essay, which gives a strong sense of direction to the reader.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay and reinforces the proposed solutions.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses both causes and effects of the issue, as well as offers a solution, fulfilling the task achievement criterion to a good extent.